“Have a Blessed Day”

The U.S. Supreme Court today ruled in favor of upholding a new law requiring all residents in the deep south to say “Have a Blessed Day” at the end of their answering machine messages.

“I think it’s the right thing to do,” said the Rev Billy James Hargis, “given the fact that here in the Deep South about 99 percent of us are good, God-fearing Christians and everybody needs to know that…even when people call us on the phone and we’re not at  home.”

Rev Hargis

“I think it’s fucked up,” said the evil, heretical, non-god-fearing, vermin disbelieving, Madalyn Murray O’Hara-loving, rat-fuck, commie rotten bastard, devil-worshiping one-percenter piece of shit Hugh E. Rection.  “I mean, they want to fine me like $500 fucking dollars because a neighbor ratted me out to the Christian police here in Georgia and told them that my answering machine message said ‘blow me’ instead of ‘Have a Blessed Day.’  I mean, what a pussy thing to say at the end of your answering machine message to begin with.”

Huge E. Rection

“I’m glad this young man was fined,” added Hargis.  “We should make an example of all those trying to be different in our state or any other state in the Deep South.  Hopefully they will reinstate the death penalty for those caught violating this new law.  I have zero tolerance for non-Christian type things….especially this type of the thing when it’s a clear violation of the Gingrich-Vitter Act,” referring to the two lawmakers who were responsible for drafting the new law and pushing through various state legislatures and to the Supreme Court where they knew they would face little, if any, resistance to the law.

The new law takes effect on April 1st in the states of Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida, and South Carolina.  First-time violators of the new law will be fined $500.  The third strike will result in penalties of up to $10,000 with 15 years in prison.

20 responses to ““Have a Blessed Day”

  1. Poem for Hugh E. Rection

    Blessed am I when I enter into that
    Blessed state of near delirium and am
    Blessedly crying out as my hips heave into that
    Blessed meld of you and me and
    Blessings course through our
    Blessed bodies like velvet electrocution
    Blessing our very beings with a
    Blessed heat that would scorch stars.

    How ’bout them apples? 🙂

  2. Love it, Lefty.

  3. BA Xians never say ‘have a blessed night’ because they know Satan runs things once the sun goes down & runs everything where the sun don’t shine. In 1966 HE came back to earth: Hail Year 45! Hail Satan!!! Fuck the Deep South!!!

  4. Unsung Satanic heroes: George W Bush, Barack H Obama, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Fred Phelps, Roger Ayers, Clarence & Ginny Thomas, Richard Nixon, Henry Kissinger, Milton Friedman, Ronald W Reagan, George HW Bush, Bill & Hilary Clinton, Condosleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Robert Gates, Timothy Geitner, Agent Boehner, the United States Senate, oh the list is too long to type.

    Eat it Christians!

  5. I went to town the other morning to eat breakfast and this big fat woman was complaining to this other big fat couple that how she plays the organ at church and people are talking as she plays then she starts ranting how she has to practice and dosent get paid extra for her hard work selecting what to play .The big fat man i guess he has inside tract to god as he said he would look into it then he started complaining about the preacher and the prayer session dont know what it was all about but im thinking s t f u who gives a shit about you phony fucks but the real treat came when the big fat guy got his order and it wasnt what he wanted but his big fat wife told the waitress that the cook knew what he wanted well the cook guess wrong and she said i try hard to do right but i cant know what every one wants to eat .I thought to my self guess your not as important as you think just because you phony ass hole put on a big show cause you go to church. It was funny to see the phony fuck get taken down by their own arrogance.I left the waitress 5 bucks as i figure those ass holes wouldnt leave her a tip that might be why she fucked up his order as they were saying good bye and would see each other there tomorrow for breakfast, i got the idea that they eat out all the time cause they are so busy making money in the church .
    southpaw not only are they god fearing but they fear everyone that isnt white christian s like them ,they fear progress hell they fear every dam thing gopers and bagers are the worst thing on this planet .

    • Wow, what an experience my friend. And, as usual, you are spot on in your brilliant insights 🙂

    • In a restaurant that serves republicans ALWAYS WEAR A HAZMAT SUIT!!! Never order the crow; always order a la carte because it’s French.

      Sometimes consider an exotic desert because it can include a flame thrower & we all know how practical they can be.

      Occasionally entertain the possibility of the unexpected; never consult the Christers, sometimes consult with the buddhists, always dance with the Hindus.

      Rotate your tires, replace batteries in your smoke detectors, recycle and whenever possible, explode.

  6. For many summers I use to have my JW friends come join me beneath a shade tree with lemonade and talk religion until they blackballed my house….maybe the only home in America where they deliver the Watchtower with a rock. I always asked for answers they couldn’t come up with…..always being told the answer was blind faith. Funny those two words would be used as a cornerstone of belief systems the world over to explain away gaping holes in the beliefs of so many. You need blindness to miss the obvious.

    I would always ask about the dinosaurs…..an entire world that existed long before us and ruled far longer than we will probably fare. Of course I was informed they never really existed at the times stated by science because the Bible never allowed for their existence or chronicled it. I guess they slipped God’s mind.

    Finally a minister friend of mine tiring of my ceaseless assaults with logic stated simply….”The Bible was written for man and not reptiles.”

    Game…set….match. Finally the answer to my questions……

    • There is a hilarious book called The Year of Living Biblically by A J Jacobs in which Jacobs (an agnostic Jew) tries to live the Bible as literally as possible for a year. In one of the chapters, Jacobs calls up the Jehovah’s Witnesses and asks them to send someone to his residence. The Jehovah’s Witnesses were thunderstruck by the request.

      I had a college professor, Conrad Russell (who was Bertrand Russell’s atheist son), who used to invite the Jehovah’s Witnesses to debate theology. He loved discussing scripture with them. He was a dazzling lecturer but because of the subject matter of his undergraduate course (an entire year spent studying the English Revolutions of 1642 and 1689) there were fewer than 30 students in his class–which made it the best class I’ve ever had. (I had an intense interest in all things revolutionary at that age and was a history major so I could take every course regarding every revolution.)

      Conrad Russell became the 5th Earl Russell after his older brother died and became the first Liberal Democrat in the House of Lords. He argued in favor of replacing the House of Lords with an elected Senate but he was such a charming and delightful man I am sure he was very well received notwithstanding. I really loved that man (he died of emphysema in 2004) and still have haunting dreams where I return to my college and have just missed a visit he has made there.

      Ah…one more memory about Conrad Russell. (I love to write about wonderful people so bear with me.) He never knew when his class was over because there were no clocks in the classroom and he did not carry a watch. At the end of the first semester, our class took up a collection and bought him a pocket watch. (Everybody chipped in except for a Jehovah’s Witness student in the class who said she was not allowed to celebrate Christmas.) We did not have enough money for a fob so we attached strands of red curly Christmas ribbon instead. During the next semester, near the end of class, Professor Russell pulled that watch out of his pocket with great flourish and with that red curled ribbon still attached.

      PS I very much appreciated your last comment on my poetry blog.

  7. My answering machine says…..”Jesus died for our sins….what a drama King.”

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