As expected, every Republican in the House today voted to repeal President Obama’s Health Care Reform bill….and afterward all Republican male members of the House convened in their stately House steam room where they got down to a good ol’ fashioned circle-jerk, Eric Cantor-style.
“We had to let off a little steam ((ahem)), no pun intended,” said a dry-witted Cantor. “And nothing lets off steam better than jerking off your fellow family-values cohorts,” he added cheerfully.
Besides being one of the largest “Circle-Jerks” in Republican House history, making this moment momentous was the opportunity for all new incoming freshman Republicans, including 50 or so teabaggers, to serve as ceremonial “pivot men” which meant that all freshman, starting with the most right-wing douchebag on down, had to “service” more than 100 of their senior Congressmen.
Senior Pivot-Man-At-Arms-Emeritus, Louie “Cueball” Gohmert of Texas, and his assistant, Vice-Senior Pivot-Man-At-Arms, Steve King of Iowa explained the role of “Pivot Man”:
“It’s a person who is the center of attention in a Circle Jerk usually on his knees pivoting around to service the circle jerkers,” said the bald-headed Gohmert who is well known for his Texas-style ball-polishing abilities.
“But the Pivot Man is also responsible for walking around the outside of the circle and massaging the participants’ balls,” added King.
There was more than enough spunk to go around as every right-wing male homophobe in the House managed to “get off” in the more than two-hour spunk fest.
“Those new freshmen Republicans from Texas were on top of their game,” said an excited and impressed Cantor. “None of them had much in the ‘parts department,’ but they were totally into what they were doing. They were real ‘brown nosers’….and I mean that in a good way.”
“This was a great jerk,” said Gohmert….”one of the best, even by Republican standards.”
Asked how the Republicans’ circle-jerk tradition squared with the Republican anti-gay, so-called family values platform, Gohmert had a ready answer: “We don’t want marry each other.”
“And nothing takes the edge off being an obstructionist and serving my own selfish needs and the needs of my piggish, homophobic constituents than a good circle-jerk,” added King.