Fulfilling a lifelong dream, Meet the Press hack anchor, Republican whore-boy, and former male stripper, David Gregory, signed on today as the 243rd Dallas Cowboy cheerleader becoming the first male member to be selected to this elite fraternity. The only other “males” ever considered for this honor were George W. Bush, Trent Lott, and Newt Gingrich–all of whom were eventually rejected in favor of real women.
“It’s something I’ve dreamed of since I was a boy who played with dolls and loved dressing up in my sister’s cheerleading outfits and wearing her panties hiked up in my asscrack,” said Gregory proudly. “I’ve tried out at least six times and was giving up hope…..but then that call came in and I just jumped out of my skin. I immediately took out a pair of my favorite pink stretch spandex with the bare midriff and put them on and couldn’t believe how sexy and cute I looked.”
“A prerequisite for men to make it as a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader is to be a vacillating, whiny, ass-kissing, semi-attractive (in an effeminate way) pussy with blow-dried poofster-looking hair who laughs like a hyena at stuff that’s not funny,” said Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader recruiter and former porn actress Anita Mandelay. “George W. Bush, Trent Lott, Karl Rove, and Newt Gingrich had all of those qualities except the semi-attractive and the blow-dried hair part which is why they were never chosen despite the fact that GWB continues to try out each year. He is one persistent monkey,” added Mandelay.
Gregory was a cheerleader in high school and college and a much-respected and renowned pussy by those who knew him then.
“David always preferred to wear female cheerleading outfits to the traditional male suit that consisted of a sweater with a football embroidered on the chest and a pair of long sweat pants,” said Dixon Butts, former Gregory roommate and fellow stripper. “He loved how the girls panties felt and how they clenched up into his buttcrack. I think it made him feel like a real man.”
Gregory will debut as the first Dallas Cowboy male cheerleader this Sunday at Fedex Field in Landover Maryland when the Cowboys play the Washington Redskins. Later he will meet Karl Rove where the two will revitalize their dance team of Rove and Gregory at the Club Gayboy where the two of them will perform to Alicia Bridges’ “I Love the Nightlife,” Anita Ward’s “Ring my Bell,” and Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-a-ling.”
(Gregory does the Tubesnake Boogie with fellow rightwinger, Karl Rove):
(Watch quintessential white boy, David Gregory, doing an incredible imitation of a fat-cheeked, poofster white boy pathetically attempting to dance like a soul brother):