Due to the overwhelming success of its new “badge” format that began a few weeks ago, Huffington Post has added even more badges to further deputize commenters it deems worthy of such authority.
The current “badge” format consists of the following:
Moderator Badge: Commenters who are better than other commenters and have authority to delete their comments
Superuser Badge: Mid-level managers who have no authority but think they’re cool because they comment a lot
Networker Badges: Meaningless token badges
Now Huffington Post is introducing the following new badges:
The “Gestapo” badge: This badge that will be awarded to the rare commenter who is willing to rat out other commenters to Huffington Post which results in deletions, scrubbing, bannings and, ultimately, death.
The “SS” badge: For special commenters who believe in the supremacy of elite commenters and believe inferior commenters or those deemed undesirable or unworthy should be ethnically cleansed.
The “Major Roberto D’Aubuisson” badge, named after the late, great Salvadoran Army officer who founded the Nationalist Republican Alliance (ARENA), aka, Salvadoran right wing death squad, that he led from 1980 to 1985. This badge is for those special commenters who want someone not just banned but killed.
“Dah-ling….ve are simply THRILLED at the success of our deputy badge program thus far,” gushed Huffington Post Chief Ariana Huffington. “Out of thousands of commenters who have veen provided badges since ve began this program, ve have had not VONE complaint dah-ling….not vone. In fact, it has, thus far, received a von hundred percent approval rating.”
Well, that’s not quite true, southpaw reminded Ms. Huffington. There was the one guy who, during the first week of the badge program inception, bitched about the program calling it “elite”.
“Ahh, dah-ling…you must ve talking avout the username ‘Wedon’twantyourstinkingbadges.’ Hahahahahahaha…he was quite unhappy. Simply an anomaly dah-ling.”
“Yea, but what happened to him,” Southpaw asked Ms. Huffington, based on reports that Wedon’twantyourstinkingbadges failed to show for work after he bitched about the badge program and has not been seen by friends or family for more than 10 days.
“Why dah-ling….I’ve no idea vhat might have happened to this malcontent. All I know is Huffington Post had nothing to do with the fact that Wedontwantyourstinkingbadges was found at the bottom of the San Clemente ravine.”
“Hmmm,” said Southpaw….up to now no one, to include the police, knew of his whereabouts.”
“Hahahahahahahaha dah-ling, I’m so sorry….I misspoke. I’ve no idea vhat happened to this poor, unfortunate young man. But getting back to the topic at hand, ve are so looking forward to new Gestapo, SS, and Major Roberto D’Aubuisson badge recipients in our midst to help bring simply the vest product and customer service to our vonderful commenters every day.”