New Commenter Badges on HP leads to Strife, Racism, Violence, Civil Unrest

The new commenter badges instituted by Huffington Post has recently led to unexpected class  warfare, ala  French novelist Emile Zola’s portrayal of the bourgeois vs the proletariat, between those designated with Networker, Superuser, or Moderator badges….or the lowest class of all…those without ANY badges.

“We’re sick to shit of Superusers looking down their noses at us,” said Networker Mia Buttreeks….” but at least they don’t spit on us like the Moderators.  A bunch of us Networkers were down at the town square recently and some Moderators came along and began asking us for our identification and I know it was just based on how we were dressed.  Anyway, I told one of them to fuck off and he came at me with a baseball bat…and the next thing you know, all hell broke loose and there were just people kicking, and swinging, and punching everywhere you looked.”

Networker Mia Buttreeks w/ kid

As for the Superusers?  “They were just kind of standing around doing nothing and watching it all go down,” said Buttreeks.

To provide the proper historical context, Huffington Post recently created the badges as a way to divide commenters in the following classes:

Moderator:  The Bourgeois Elite users who should be regarded as better than anyone else

Superuser:  Mid-level managers who are arrogant but must suck up to Moderators

Networkers:  Low class proletariat grunt workers who dress the same and can be easily identified

Non-badges: Lowest of the low….users who have no rights, and are generally regarded as the pond scum bottom feeders

“WE even hate the “Non-badges”, said Buttreeks.  They’re street urchins,  thieves, and gypsies who smell really really bad.  You don’t want any moving in your neighborhood. ”

Lowest of the low of classes: The Non-Badges

As for the Moderator’s recent campaign to I.D. check Networkers, Lar G. Rection said something has to be done to stop the flow of them coming across the border.

Moderator, Lar G. Rection..."We're just better than them, that's all"

“We’re not racists,” said Rection.  “Some of my closet friends are Networkers.  We just don’t want them taking our jobs, women, buying our goods, or breathing our air…that’s all.  It’s nothing personal.  We just want our country back from Networkers.”

“Fuck them, said Networker, Mike Oxhard.  “If they want a piece of me tell them to come and get it and they WILL feel the full weight of the business end of my Louisville Slugger.”

Hardass Networker Mike Oxyard ready to donate a little "chin music" to a Moderator

Asked to comment on the civil warfare between badge classes that is breaking out across the nation more frequently by the day, Huffington Post owner Ariana Huffington said she doesn’t give a shit.

Look Darling...vee simply can't have the classes vingling

“Good Darling” said Ms. Huffington.  “I’ve always believed that the vest way to veed out undesirables is to create class systems much like they used to do in my native Greece many years ago.  This, of course, vasn’t our intention in creating the badge system but vhat the hell…as long as it’s vorking, that’s great.  Seeing how it’s created more division in this country that’s leading to ridding us of people who are less than the elite is an unexpected, but vut truly delightful benefit.”

"Vee vant our stinking badges," says Ariana

43 responses to “New Commenter Badges on HP leads to Strife, Racism, Violence, Civil Unrest

  1. LOLOL. What if I’m all 3?

    I will be writing Huffie today to get rid of the Moderator badge. It’s really just causing too much upset. Some of us were not born great, but had greatness thrust upon is! In my case, I’ve decided that I don’t want their stinkin’ greatness.

    I do, however, hope to keep the Networker and Superuser badges. What better way to show the world that I really have no life and spend way too much time on the HuffPo? If there was any doubt before, now it’s been confirmed.

  2. This is so good! One of your very best. Better than my poems.

    PS–you know that every time you post something really good, gordita comes out of the wordwork…. 🙂

  3. It’s Lord of the Flies on crack!

  4. Happy to report that I’ve been successfully stripped of my mod badge. Thank God–no more scarlet letter.

  5. ( I’d send my praises, but I have, I’m afraid, an unworthy, bare chest of badges. )

  6. monicaangela

    Wow !! This is great LTTL, I never laughed so hard, I love what you are doing here, I’m going to have to come by daily for my comedy fix. Great stuff. !!!

  7. BillyPilgram57


    Funny but true.

  8. I know I will never get three badges have better thing to do than be on the huff all the time .read south paw blog, laugh , have a drink or a splift and have some sex , oh yes work ,shit!
    Good post SouthPaw

  9. Bahdges? I ain’t got no steenking bahdges! Good stuff my friend!

  10. Chin music! You are sooooooo funny. You make me craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy!!!!!!

  11. mia buttreeks… I am so using that next restaurant. you rock.

  12. i dropped out of their fucking game when i couldn’t post . they can kiss my ass and shove their moderators up Ariana `s ass she can go lead the tea baggers in AZ. I no longer read the huff bull shit.

  13. Armenta Chavis

    OMG! Too funny!

  14. Armenta Chavis

    The badges are such a distraction – I hope if enough of us complain they will go away! Thanks for the laughs SPB.

  15. The badges don’t bother me. I don’t have the Superuser/Disco badge since I don’t post 500 items a day there. However, they really need to include a Flag for Idiocy button.

  16. Good stuff, LTTL. I surrendered my superpowers–and I had the really GOOD button. Alas, I am now at pond scum level in the HP caste system. Love your site.

  17. Where did you ever find that picture of Arianna?


  18. Absolutely hilarious.

    It’s sad over there, the numbers are down and it’s emptying out faster than….

    Thanks for being here!!

  19. akittywithglasses

    Great post, read it first without the pictures,
    then read it again today with the pix!!
    WOW, and double WOW
    maybe HufPo will get rid of it, more and more folks are leaving because of it.

  20. That moderator picture, Larg E Rection, sure looks like Funky.

  21. I could take or leave the badges but this was hilarious!

  22. thatsifortheotherwon

    I would be all for the badges, if they just had one that looked like a butthole that we could give to drsillyboob, boxo’rocks, perfectnonsense.

    You know, those guys. Sphincter moderators.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s