2011 promises to be a fine year…with a number of certainties or near-certainties, to include…
…Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, a woman trapped in a man’s body for his entire adult life will use campaign funds to finally realize his sex change….becoming “Midge” McConnell…
…Eric Cantor ditches his wife of a number of years to say “I do” to his true love, Kevin Federline (whom he met at a Britney Spears concert in D.C. two years ago)…
Cantor demonstrates what he wants out of life
Kevin, since leaving Britney, has put on the fat that Eric loves
…Clarence Thomas and Michael Steele revive the roles of the famous 50′s comic duo of Amos and Andy as they bring the these lovable characters to the big screen. Here’s a clip from the new show with Thomas playing the fat guy and Steele playing the skinny, weasely guy:
…concurrently, Jim DeMint will realize HIS lifelong dream by playing his boyhood idol, Al Jolson, in the Columbia, South Carolina theater production of “The Good Ol’ Days….When Negros Knew Their Place, and We Knew Ours.”
DeMint in "black face" with Al Jolson on the right
…Jon Kyl and Jeff Sessions will have butt sex…..again (nothing new here except for the fact that they move their “action” to Sessions Senate office).
"Will you wear the thong I gave you tonight, for me?"
…through with politics (or politics through with her), Christine O’Donnell’s ass will become as big as a barn as she won’t be able to stop eating in 2011.
:
Favorite foods:
this.....and....
...that
…new Tea Party members of Congress will get busted for organizing pee parties (previously known as “golden showers”) and attempt to justify their actions by claiming to be “pissed off” at politics as usual…
"Ah hereby offer mah support fo the Pee Par...err, ah mean, TEA PARTY!"
…in death, Ronald Reagan will continue to make more of a post-Presidential difference than in life…
…after a grueling election loss in Nevada, Sharron Angle will recharge her batteries with a six-week vacation to her native Uranus….
Better to have Sharron in Uranus than my anus
…Republican Mike Pence will be made an honorary Brownie Scout for all of his behind-the-scenes work with little girls (he will also be arrested for all of his “behind the scenes” work with little girls)….
…Glenn Beck will have penis enlargement surgery to increase his size from two to three inches…
…Disgraced Senator Larry Craig will be back in the public eye with a new singing trio known as the “Smoking Poles” that includes Lindsey Graham and Mark Foley. Craig will sing baritone and play the skin flute, Graham will play the gristle whistle, while Foley will go solo on the schlong dong. The trio already has a hit record on Capitol Hill Records, “Bend Over Rover…and let Boner Come Over”…dedicated to John Boehner…
…and speaking of the new Speaker, in an effort to prevent a law from passing that will prevent millions of poor children in America from going hungry and dying of malnutrition, Boehner will carry out the first-ever “crying” filibuster and plans to cry for a straight 16 hours…
…word will get out that Texas Governor Rick Perry wears women’s lingerie…which somehow makes him even MORE popular in Texas…
Underneath that manly man are some of Victoria's best Secrets
…Haley Barbour will admit to the worst kept secret in recent history…that he is Grand Dragon of a resurgent KKK…
...uh, make that the Grand "DRAGON"
The worst things to ever have been introduced in America: 1.) New Coke, 2.) AIDS, 3.) Sarah Palin, and 4.) Christianity....not in that particular order (3 of 4 are still with us and 3 of 4 are a cancer)
…and Sarah Palin will continue to prosper thanks to her proud citizenship of the dumbest industrialized nation on earth…
Your predictions?
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