Missouri Republican Senate candidate, Todd Akin, finally got a chance to meet his hero. Sarah Palin was recently in the “Show Me” state to campaign for various Republican candidates and, to Akin’s surprise, called up the candidate and arranged a meet up at the Super Eight Motel where Palin was staying.
Super Eight….Missouri’s finest hotel
“So how are ya?! I’ve been looking forward to meeting ya!”
“Me too Governor…this is a real thrill.”
Akin wears his custom-made finest hairpiece for his meet and greet
“Well, why don’tcha just come on in and make yourself comfortable and let’s talk a little about the campaign!”
“Wow, this is a real honor Governor. I can’t tell you how much I admire you and all that you’ve done for our country. I’ve been wanting to pick your brain forever about how to take our country back.”
“There’s lots of time for that Todd…can I call you Todd?”
“Sure Governor!” gushed Akin.
“Todd….let’s lots of time for campaign talk. Why don’t ya relax and take your shoes off. I was just about to have my fourth glass of wine….would ya like one Todd?”
“Uh, sure Governor….uh, I don’t really drink…but as long as you’re having…uh, your fourth. So Governor, how are we gonna take our country back? And how can I beat Claire McCaskill?”
“Todd….why don’t ya sit next to me on my king size Super Eight bed and we can talk all kinds of campaign stuff.”
Governor Palin prepares for some “campaign talk” with Todd Akin
“Uh, sure Governor….I guess I’m just a little…”
“Todd, you’ve been on the campaign trail awhile now. Are ya gettin’ any?!”
“Pardon me Governor?”
“Are ya gettin’ any…you know what, Todd?”
“Well Governor, I’m really not sure what you mean exactly and…wow this wine sure is good.”
“…cause Todd, a man…especially a hardworking campaigning virile man such as yourself can’t think straight unless he’s gettin’ some while on the campaign trail.”
“Well I never thought about it like that Governor….jeez, this wine has really gone straight to my head….I’m even feeling a little woozy. “
“Well Todd, why don’tcha just take that shirt of yours off and just relax. My it’s kind of warm in here isn’t it? Ya mind if I just slip out of this blouse and skirt so we can talk campaign stuff comfortably?”
“I guess I don’t mind Governor….whatever makes you feel better.”
“And what makes YOU feel better Todd? I mean, what gets you off?”
“Well Governor….I’m not sure what you mean by “gets me off”….but I enjoy all sorts of things….like singing songs with the family, prayer meetings with my neighbors, signing hymns in church, and other stuff. Is that what you mean?”
“Todd….do you like my ass?”
“Pardon me Governor?”
“Have you got shit in your ears? I asked you if you like my ass?”
“Well I guess so Governor…I’ve always felt like you had a wonderful Mary Magdalene-type body that seemed well equipped to bear many children which of course you’ve done and….”
“Let’s cut the shit Todd….I want ya to fuck me and I want ya to fuck me RIGHT NOW!!”
“But Governor….I’m a MARRIED MAN!”
“And I’M A MARRIED WOMAN TODD who’s had four glasses of white wine and is a lonely and horny as hell MILF in this fleabag hotel in this shit-hole state who wants TODD AKIN TO FUCK HER!!!!”
“I don’t know Governor. It seems like you’re acting like an unlady-like wildcat.”
“Put the fucking wine glass down Todd and get your pants off goddamn it!”
She needs it….and she needs it bad, Akin-style
“Governor…you just took the lord’s name in vain.”
“Fuck the lord Todd…and get that goddamn zipper down!”
“I’m trying Governor….it won’t seem to budge…do you have any W-D 40?”
“Here….try this baby oil.”
“Yep, that did it…OH GOVERNOR!!!”
“FUCK ME TODD ON THIS KING SIZE SUPER EIGHT BED!”
(((SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!!!!)))
“Todd…are you in me? You have to wait until you’re erect.”
“I AM erect Governor!!! LET’S DO IT!!”
“What is that Todd…about two inches?”
“That’s about the best I can do Governor.”
“Well, it’s all I got tonight….and it’s twice as big as that other Todd….so I guess it’ll just have to do…FUCK ME!!!”
((ah hummana hummana hummana hummana!!!))
(((UHHHH UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH!!)))
(((FUCK ME TODD….FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!))))
(((((AIEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAA!!!)))))
“GOVERNOR, YOU PULLED OFF MY HAIR PIECE!!!”
((BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!!))) “HEY….SHUT THE FUCK UP OVER THERE!!!”
“Jeez Governor….you need to keep it down a little. These Super Eight walls are a little thin.”
“Oh Todd….who can resist a manly christian man with two inches of pile-driving pleasure….NOW FUCK ME!!!!”
((((UH HUMMANA HUMMANA HUMMANA!!!)))
((BOOM BOOM!!!)) “SHUT….THE…..FUCK….UP!!!!!!!! OR I’ll CALL THE FRONT DESK!!!”
(((UHHHH UHHHH UHHHH..AAAAGGGGGGUUHHHHHHH!!!!)))
((Whew)) “That was incredible Governor. God hath showered his goodness on us tonight.”
“That’s right Todd. You’re a stud for God and I’m a whore for Jesus. Now I want you to bow with me Todd across this bed and pray with me Todd…just PRAY WITH ME.”
“Dear lord….thank you for allowing Todd and me to experience your divine spirit in the form of non-gay fornication and thank you for your never-ending heavenly forgiveness for your faithful children.”
“And thank you lord for the special powers that you have bestowed upon our bodies to keep us free from cooties and other terrible nasty things. Amen.”
“Amen, Todd.”
“Oh Governor….this has been the most wonderful night of my life. I LOVE YOU!!”
“Yea yea yea….do me a favor and get me a cigarette and close the door when ya leave.”
“But Governor….will I see you again?”
“Sure Todd….same time same place at the end of October. But this time, come dressed in a boy scout outfit wearing boots and spurs…otherwise don’t bother knocking at all.”
…to be cont.
