Category Archives: Letters To Ed Itor

Dear Ed Itor,

We find your lampooning of us and our heritage extremely offensive.  You suggest that we’re racists but we practice heritage…not hate.  Amongst our membership we’re proud to have two people with dark pigmentation one of whom we think might have some Negro blood in him.  You see?  We used  “Negro” instead of the other “N” word that you find so objectionable.   We think that should show you right there that we are for inclusion.  (The other guy with brown pigmentation we think is a ‘spic’ which if I’m not mistaken is the technical name for people who speak Mexico.)

"Ah want mah cuntry back"

"Aren't I an ugly sack of shit?"

Stop making fun of us.  We are not a violent group but if pushed too much we’ll slash your tires and break your arms and legs.  But we do NOT condone physical violence unless you drive us to it with your totalitarian, communist, Negro-loving agenda.

Sincerely,

Hans Omaicok,

Tea Party Patriots of America

Dear Ed,

Thank you for showing the backside of my 300 pound frame in your article, FFLAB, that you featured on SPB on 3/15/10.  Since that flattering shot of my buttcheeks came out I have all the mountain boy dick I can handle.  As you know, these mountain boys up in Arkansas love fat women….the fatter the better of course.

And just in case you ever make your way up to these parts, I’ll be the gal rolled in flower with a wet spot screaming for SPB to stick it to me.

Yours in more ways than you can imagine,

Alotta Fagina

Mountain Home, AR

Alotta Fagina, FFLAB member featured in FFLAB article of 3/15/10

Dear Ed,

You’ree artikle on “Have a Blessed Day” was meen-spirited and affenseve.  I reely risent how you mak fun of Christins like me.  I also thinck that you cus to much .

F**k you Ed.

Having a Blesed Day in Suny Orlando Floreda

Having a Blessed Day is pissed off at Ed

Deer Ed,

Why do you make so much fun of white trashe.  I red your horrible neews story on Laura Bush (our gratest first lady) and I am prode that she shops at the same stores wear I do all  my shoping….Family Dollar.  You can git everthing in that stor for $1 and I don’t see whats wronge with that.  Try finding gormet fuds like those cans of Vienna saussages and El Paso Tamales so cheep at some elitist shoping goods store like Piggley Wigley or Kroger.  You cant.

P.S> Laura BUsh is no longer in jail like you said so your wrong like always. and I hop you rot in hell.

Amanda Fuch

Truth or Consequences, New Mexico

Amanda Fuch manuveurs her way to Dollar Store shopping

Dear Ed,

Regarding your libelous article, Larry Craig Arrested for Soliciting Sex….at the Oscars….you were wrong about most everything.  First of all, I wasn’t in the stall that you portrayed in the picture in your article…I was in the last stall.  I know this because I specifically remember there being no toilet paper in the stall where I was at.  Therefore, I toe tapped in order to  get the attention of the occupant in the adjoining stall.  I could I have known that it was going to be that Calkin fellow, a weaselly little worm who has not been in a decent movie since his wonderful “Home Alone” trilogy, unless you count that fine film he made…what was it again, “The Good Son,” with Ted Dansen.  My oh my…Ted Dansen…now that’s a man I could do a thing or two with….ahhhhhh…ooooooohhhhh…

But I digress.  I resent your allegations suggesting I strictly troll for man sex in nasty bathrooms across America given that I also troll for sex in libraries, restaurants, and zoos.  Please refrain from misinformation and these character assassinations Ed.

An ohhh soooo angry Larry Craig

Airport bathroom from somewhere in America

Craig