Dear Ed Itor,
I demand that you cease and desist in your inflammatory remarks regarding my personal life and infidelities. In your ridiculous and absurd article about me (3/19/10), you state that I’ve had extramarital affairs with 600 women. Ed, it’s not even close to that. To date, since marrying, I’ve only had sex with 432 women. And, since anything less than 15 minutes doesn’t count as a Tiger conquest, you should take away the MILF whom I took from behind in 8 minutes in the bathroom at the IHOP down the road–which makes it 431. So you’re laughably off by 169.
I love my wife, Ed, and we’re trying to work through this. She understands that a man has to have his crank lubed from time to time. She just prefers that if I insist on banging skanks that I do it in another state….or at least in another neighborhood. But all that is over with now (or at least until things cool down and I get most of my sponsors back. After that, look out….Tiger will be back on the prowl banging w/ the best of them). From this point forward you’re looking at a faithful husband with nothing but an occasional pud-pounding problem.
And Joslyn James’ accusations of choking and urination are ridiculous. Anyone who knows the Tiger knows that I only piss on women I love. And I’ve only choked two women and one thing in my life: my mom, my 7th grade teacher, Mrs. Crabapple, and my chicken.
You were right about one thing in your, otherwise, piece-of-shit article: I am a humble, glowing, muscular, All-American Tiger.
Knock off the shit Ed…or you’ll be the 7,078th person I’ve sued just since the beginning of the month.
Dear Ed Itor,
We find your lampooning of us and our heritage extremely offensive. You suggest that we’re racists but we practice heritage…not hate. Amongst our membership we’re proud to have two people with dark pigmentation one of whom we think might have some Negro blood in him. You see? We used “Negro” instead of the other “N” word that you find so objectionable. We think that should show you right there that we are for inclusion. (The other guy with brown pigmentation we think is a ‘spic’ which if I’m not mistaken is the technical name for people who speak Mexico.)
"Ah want mah cuntry back"
"Aren't I an ugly sack of shit?"
Stop making fun of us. We are not a violent group but if pushed too much we’ll slash your tires and break your arms and legs. But we do NOT condone physical violence unless you drive us to it with your totalitarian, communist, Negro-loving agenda.
Tea Party Patriots of America
Thank you for showing the backside of my 300 pound frame in your article, FFLAB, that you featured on SPB on 3/15/10. Since that flattering shot of my buttcheeks came out I have all the mountain boy dick I can handle. As you know, these mountain boys up in Arkansas love fat women….the fatter the better of course.
And just in case you ever make your way up to these parts, I’ll be the gal rolled in flower with a wet spot screaming for SPB to stick it to me.
Yours in more ways than you can imagine,
Mountain Home, AR
Alotta Fagina, FFLAB member featured in FFLAB article of 3/15/10
You’ree artikle on “Have a Blessed Day” was meen-spirited and affenseve. I reely risent how you mak fun of Christins like me. I also thinck that you cus to much .
F**k you Ed.
Having a Blesed Day in Suny Orlando Floreda
Having a Blessed Day is pissed off at Ed
Why do you make so much fun of white trashe. I red your horrible neews story on Laura Bush (our gratest first lady) and I am prode that she shops at the same stores wear I do all my shoping….Family Dollar. You can git everthing in that stor for $1 and I don’t see whats wronge with that. Try finding gormet fuds like those cans of Vienna saussages and El Paso Tamales so cheep at some elitist shoping goods store like Piggley Wigley or Kroger. You cant.
P.S> Laura BUsh is no longer in jail like you said so your wrong like always. and I hop you rot in hell.
Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Amanda Fuch manuveurs her way to Dollar Store shopping
Regarding your libelous article, Larry Craig Arrested for Soliciting Sex….at the Oscars….you were wrong about most everything. First of all, I wasn’t in the stall that you portrayed in the picture in your article…I was in the last stall. I know this because I specifically remember there being no toilet paper in the stall where I was at. Therefore, I toe tapped in order to get the attention of the occupant in the adjoining stall. I could I have known that it was going to be that Calkin fellow, a weaselly little worm who has not been in a decent movie since his wonderful “Home Alone” trilogy, unless you count that fine film he made…what was it again, “The Good Son,” with Ted Dansen. My oh my…Ted Dansen…now that’s a man I could do a thing or two with….ahhhhhh…ooooooohhhhh…
But I digress. I resent your allegations suggesting I strictly troll for man sex in nasty bathrooms across America given that I also troll for sex in libraries, restaurants, and zoos. Please refrain from misinformation and these character assassinations Ed.
An ohhh soooo angry Larry Craig
Airport bathroom from somewhere in America