by gordita
The Volunteer
In an act of unparalleled self-sacrifice, Todd Akin agreed to be the fall guy in a nationwide Republican campaign to make prominent misogynistic asswipes look like relatively fine fellows.
“We knew it was going to be a hard sell to American women if we just came out and said, Republicans want to do good things for you, so we decided to get creative,” said Republican strategist Shay Nemon.
“So…to make other Republicans look reasonable you came up with a looney script for Akin where he says women have some internal equipment that blocks hostile sperm.”
“Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a blocking mechanism. It could be that when a woman is legitimately raped, her glands release a toxin that makes all those little polywogs go splat. Or maybe all her insides start violently shaking and knock the sperm out.”
“Or maybe, there is a rape sperm detector that turns on an automatic sprinkler system.”
“The possibilities are endless, gordita.”
“I’m curious, Mr. Nemon, how did you come up with Mr. Akin’s script?”
“Well….”
“Don’t be shy. I’m sure you had some other good ideas.”
“Well, we did have a lot of ideas–outrageous and offensive ideas–but they weren’t implausible enough. We needed something that sounded freakishly otherworldly–you know like throwing a woman into a river to see if she is a witch.”
If she floats to the surface, it wasn’t really rape
“So the bottom line is that the Republicans had Akin spout a bunch of cuckoo for cocoa puffs craziness to make women feel relieved that their rights are only being threatened by regular, run-of-the-mill Republican extremists like Romney and Ryan?”
“Yeah, that about sums it up.”
I’m not the most dangerous man in America anymore!
Todd Akin is an affront to American womanhood
Trust me. I’m not Todd Akin.
“Geez, Mr. Nemon. It looks like Todd Akin is going to lose the election as a result of this gambit. He has been tarred and feathered in the press. Women want to spit on him. How can Republicans ever begin to pay him back?”
That depends on whether Romney wins and the Republicans take the Senate…and Ruth Bader Ginsburg retires.”
“And if those things happen?”
The Big Reward
Then we’ll start our campaign to make Scalia, Thomas, Kennedy, Alito and Roberts look like regular, run-of-the-mill Supreme Court Justices.
These fucking assholes are working on a ‘plan’ to ban abortion that they will use in their GOP platform!
Grimy
Old
Perverts
In a perfect world these fucking perverts would be sent to another planet!!!!
Peace,
debi(~};)
I am so sick of the right-wingers using abortion to destroy the middle class, I am almost ready to let the loonies ban abortion…and pay the political consequences. Most Republicans are hiding behind the shield of Roe v Wade. They don’t really want to ban abortion outright. Roe v. Wade allows them to posture without really putting their votes where their mouth is.
I think you’re on to something there.
And if that ban happens – we’ll see a war – and a real revival in feminist movement.
And while I’m on a rant. IF abortion is banned, I would think it would be bad news for these fuckers, because according to their thinking,only “Liberals, Progressives, and Democrats” have abortions, not their good christian women. That means, we will raise more future Liberal, Progressive, and Democrat children!
When I was growing up in the ’60′s, I lived in a small town. I remember a woman gave herself an abortion with a wire coat hanger. Needless to say she died! It was all over the news~people were talking about how horrible it was that she was forced to go to such lengths!
I remember my Mother (who by the way, was a good catholic and republican) saying that abortion should be legal because no woman should be forced to bring a unwanted child into the world. Of course, she would have never shared her thoughts with her priest for fear of being excommunicated!
If you ever get a chance, watch “Freekonomics”. There is a segment on abortion and crime. According to the film, 20 years after Roe v Wade their was less violence in the US, because there were less unwanted children being born. I understand that the film makers caught a lot of grief for making that assumption by the right, but facts are facts.
peace,
debi(~};)
Rant on, sister!
X’s 1000!!
Exactly. Women are going to have abortions, period stop.
Great post, Gordita. And you hit upon an important point – with that lunatic Akin on the loose, other Rethugs can say that they’re all reasonable and sane – that they’re not enemies of women and the middle/working class, etc, etc, etc. Barf. They’re dying to get another Scalia/Thomas on the SC.
I am so fucking tired of these people.
I’m tired of them and afraid of them.
The accompanying photos have confused me a bit. Southpaw, are you saying that Ann Coulter is now the most dangerous man in America?
LOL! I see your point. I am going to edit caption.
Asskins and most Republicans are ass wipes
You, on the other hand, are maaaaarvelous.