Wanted
A few good neighborhood watch volunteers to patrol America’s predominately white neighborhoods that lie in proximately close enough to black neighborhoods or neighborhoods of other ethnicities other than white for the predominately white neighborhood residents to be concerned.
Must be more than willing to not only want to work for free but dogmatic enough to insist on working for free.
Must have pathologically low self esteem, an inferiority complex, and various other unnamed complexes.
Must have a huge chip on your shoulder with something to prove.
Must have worn a uniform at least once in your life, i.e., cub scouts, boy scouts, the military (preference given to ex-military who washed out after six months who now belongs to a local state militia).
Must work or have worked as a security guard (preference given to those who work graveyard shifts and weekends).
Must have been maliciously bullied in school from sixth grade to at least your junior year in high school and have documentation to prove it.
Must have been cruel to small animals as a child (preference given to those who still do it).
Must have not had sex till at least your late 20′s with preference given to those who have never had sex except with one’s hand (right and/or left).
Must have spent a lifetime intrigued by authority and, in fact, fearful of it.
Your favorite movies must be ”Taxi Driver”, “Death Wish”, and “Walking Tall” (the original with Joe Don Baker…not the remake with The Rock).
Must own the entire DVD set of the “24″ series.
Must have applied to be a police officer and rejected at least 54 times until the department’s HR office actually called you directly to tell you to please stop applying.
Must pack heat everywhere you go even to the toilet (you never know who might come in).
Must be someone who’s pissed off at the way that person is looking at you wherever you are are day or night even if no one is really looking at you.
Must subscribe to at least six gun magazines with preference to those who subscribe to “Soldier of Fortune”.
Must have 9-1-1 at the top of your speed-dial list
Must be fat, a pasty doughboy, and have sociopathological tendencies.
Must be a U.S. citizen and must hate black people.
Please apply in person with two pieces of ID to the Neighborhood Watch Society of Sanford, Fl.
