“I don’t want to make bla.. people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money.”
At a recent campaign stop in Iowa, Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum boldly initiated a national dialogue about a topic that until now was thought to be off limits: “bla..” people. Listeners who initially heard Santorum’s remarks thought that the former Pennsylvania Senator had referred to “black people” but in a later interview with CNN Santorum insisted that was not the case. “No, I have absolutely no issues with black people. Some of my very best friends are black people. As a matter of fact, I was over at a black friend’s house just last week having dinner. Well….it wasn’t really dinner….it was more like a snack. Well, at the risk of being hypertechnical, it wasn’t actually a snack, it was more of a cup of coffee with this black friend who wasn’t really a friend per se. Uhhh..truth be told…it was a guy I met last week at the mall who said he liked what I have to say and invited me over….and I didn’t actually GO IN to his house literally speaking….it was more like I was out on the front stoop for a couple of minutes. I couldn’t actually go into this negro’s, err, BLACK man’s house and run the possible risk of … risk of…uh…losing valuable time on the campaign trail.”
“In any event, when you people the other day THOUGHT you heard me say BLACK people, I was talking about the growing problem of giving handouts to bla.. people.”
“Who EXACTLY, are bla.. people Senator Santorum?” I asked.
“Bla.. people are the parasites of our society….those who abuse our food stamp and welfare system, are the greatest benefactors of the failed affirmative action program, abuse drugs and live in drug infested ghettos throughout the inner city, create most violent crime, listen to rap music, eat fried chicken and watermelon, and–when they’re not passed out on the street–drive Cadillacs.”
“Jeez Senator Santorum…it sure sounds like you’re just regurgitating the most popular and discredited white, racist stereotypes of black people.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m talking about bla.. people,” insisted Santorum. ”It’s bla.. people who don’t need anymore handouts, money, food stamps, privileges, preferential treatment, quota placements, or anything else,” said Santorum. “What they need is more sanctimonious pandering from fat-ass Christian pussies like me so that they can be manipulated into thinking I give a shit about their welfare when, in fact, I’m praying for their complete annihilation,” added Santorum in a rare moment of candor.
“And most of what I’ve said also applies to that other rapidly multiplying group that shares responsibility for the downfall of America,” said Santorum.
“Who would that be?” I asked. “Surely you don’t mean hispanics.”
Hisp.... people making trouble
“Of course not,” said Santorum. I was referring to “hisp…. people.”