Deposed Libyan dictator, Muammar Gaddafi, was killed accidently today, according to about 400 bystanders who claimed to have seen the whole thing.
“Our heavily armed mob was just passing by what happened to be, to our surpise, Colonel Gaddafi’s hometown of Sirte,” said heavily armed Ali Jackinoff of a nearby town.
“Anyhow, the bunch of us were just out for a walk minding our own business and my friend Aqbar asked me if I saw last night’s football game and just as I was about to respond, we happened upon a drainage ditch where I saw what looked like a dude poking his head out of the end of this ditch. So a bunch of us went over to this guy to see if he was okay and fuckin’ eyh, it turns out to be Col Gaddafi. ”
“I was like, hey Col, you okay? He just scurries back into this drain pipe thing. So a bunch of us go down there with our guns, grenades, and surface to air rocket launchers that we all carry around just in case of an emergency and they’re kind of heavy and all so we ditch them in order to go down to this drain pipe and see what’s up with the Colonel.”
“We get down there and the guy just comes running out like a madman screaming for us to not hurt him…calling us his father and all and I’m like WHOA dude! ….chill for a minute. But this guy’s is like loco and starts flailing about and jumping all over us and here’s 400 of my friends wondering what in god’s name is going on here? We’re trying to help this guy and he’s running around like a madman and all and he starts to throw himself into our fists literally pummeling himself against us. My friends are doing everything they can to avoid having this guy hit their fists but he’s like out of control until he literally beats his head and body to a bloody pulp.”
“I started yelling at my friends, Muhammad, Ali G, Aqbar, Mamood, Ralph, Ernie, and all the rest of you….pick up your gear and let’s get the fuck out of here….can’t you see this guy’s nuts?!?!”
“We start to split and suddenly the Colonel who’s pretty beat up by this time grabs Ali G who just happens to be picking up his loaded 9 mm at that very moment to put it in a safe spot so it won’t hurt anyone and the Colonel forces Ali G’s finger on the trigger and grabs his hand jamming it against his temple making the gun go off sending a bullet right into his head.”
“Needless to say, the Colonel was killed which shocked the shit out of all of us. Ali G is still traumatized by the whole thing. We were all just out and about in the countryside trying to have a good time. This thing just fucked up our whole day man. This will probably be the last time we all get together for this type of outing. I can tell you that none of us will ever be the same.”
“And that’s how it happened. I plan to write a book someday. I’ll probably call it, Col Gaddafi….I Hardly Knew Ye, by Ali Jackinoff.