Former United States Senator from Virginia, George Allen, who saw his Senate re-election hopes implode after using the word “macaca” at a Ku Klux Klan rally in 2006, has legally changed his first name to “Rufus” in his effort to appeal to black voters and anyone with darker skin than his.
A newly enlightened “Rufus” Allen
Allen repeatedly called S.R. Sidarth, a volunteer for Democrat James Webb, “macaca” at the Klan rally on August 15th, 2006 in SW Virginia. The “mistake” ultimately cost Allen his Senate seat which Webb won in November, 2006. Since then, Allen claims to have made a concerted effort to define himself as an “enlightened guy” who, besides changing his name to Rufus, claims to have made major efforts to reach out to minorities throughout the state.
“I’m well aware that I may have inadvertently offended colored people with what many construed as insensitive remarks,” said a somewhat contrite and forthright Allen. “Which is one big reason why I now referred to them as colored instead of negro which some of my friends at my whites-only country club in McLean, Virginia say may be construed as insensitive and old-fashioned,” Allen added. “So no more negro,” quipped Allen. “If using colored to describe them is more hip, well that’s what I want….to be more hip. And I always heard that a lot of them are named Rufus which is why I chose that name.”
Allen will trade in the cowboy hat, boots, spurs, and bolo tie for a zoot suit. “Anything to win over the colored of this state,” said a more progressive Allen.
“Don’t forget about the fried chicken and watermelon,” reminded George’s…err, Rufus’ oldest friend, David Duke.
“That’s right. I understand that they like that sort of food,” said Allen. “So, believe me….there will be lots of fried chicken, watermelon, and Cadillacs at all of our Klan…er…campaign rallies this upcoming election.”
Rufus digs into some soul food
“What about “macaca”? I reminded Allen.
“Macaca is DEAD ! And if if I ever hear you say that word around me again I’ll rip your tongue out of your throat,” said an obviously agitated Allen.
“Whatever you say,” Senator.
“Hey, one more thing, ” said Allen. “What do you think of this afro wig I plan to wear at the rallies?”
This paltry-excuse-for-humanity aka Allen reminds me of a Dutch artist who used cadavers to fashion furniture. He’d take embalmed corpses & have them immersed in acrylic in positions that would support their use as chairs or tables. Some people liked them & he was successful until the police arrived…
So you see, there’s definitely a future for the GOP.
Indeed my friend….indeed
p.s. as if it would come to you as a surprise, Allen is also one of America’s greatest chickenhawks
Hey, I don’t think I made my post as clear as possible (due to extenuating circumstances, lol!) but wouldn’t Allen make a great coffee table?
For your future use, my dear Beagle
http://www.salon.com/media/1998/06/05media.html
A 1998 Salon article about Arianna Huffington, before she became THE Arianna Huffington
Wow! What extraordinary writing! I love this paragraph:
The whole scene [a 1998 book party for Arianna] resembles the way different species of birds interact when thrown food at the park. The celebrities feast at the center like giant geese; the guests scurry in schools as hungry and fearful as pigeons. Cocky photographers strut through the crowd crowing their opinions while carrion journalists hover silently at the outskirts, waiting to descend at the first sight of carnage. (There are representatives from the New Yorker, the L.A. Times and sundry other publications at this estimable event.)
I like: “The filmy gauze of respectability has completely dropped to the floor, exposing the queen as the incorrigible media slut that she is. Sating public desires by subjecting herself to total humiliation, she embraces the role of the fool with remarkable élan. Her days as a self-righteous, right-wing apparatchik seem like just a whisper in her past.”
This is one of the neatest things I’ve ever read and should once and for all validate, to all those who still have doubts, that Arianna is, at best, a faux progressive and secretly sleeping with Newt Gingrich
What annoys me most about press coverage of Allen?
The fact that they invariably mention that his father was COACH Allen
I remember the old question and answer well:
“What is the common first name shared by the most ignorant teacher in any school?”
“Coach”
Rufus Allen, LOL!!!! In Allen’s case his first name could have been “DUFUS ALLEN.
Not only is he a dufus, Austin, but he’s a heartless war monger who prances around wearing macho cowboy garb yet like so many other Republicans, skirted the war in classic chickenhawk fashion
Great post beagle i love it when you take a dump where the republicans eat
Hippie rufus the dufus would make a good toilet.
This is wonderful…as usual
Could arianna and donald trump be the same person ? Sure look and act the same pompous and vain the hair is just repositioned it was on cnn watched for couple of min.cant take more then that but it crossed my mind that this thing could also be arianna but in a suit . Another nut gets added to the i want to be president list.
Arianna’s kokk is bigger. She doesn’t build tacky skyscrapers to compensate
Residents of baggerstown asked Boehner to be the towns crier , snot mixing with tears running down his face he accepted the position . Looking on with such glee smiling and weeping was Mc connell who also was hoping to land the job .
Watching donald trump talk is like watching a bull dog discharge its daley intake of food. or the back side of a rooster crowing