Monthly Archives: January 2011

Egyptians vs. Americans

Posted on January 29, 2011 by | 23 Comments

At the risk of sounding patronizing (and I hope I am not), I’m as proud of the Egyptian people as any people I’ve ever been proud of in my lifetime.  They are brave, fearless, steadfast, resolute, activist, and brilliant.  They are dirt poor with little hope for their own generation’s future yet they somehow find the strength to rise up in the face of tyranny and stand fast in the harm’s way of teargas, police batons beating them senseless, rubber bullets…and real ones, fired directly at them and not into the air.  They are as bold and inspiring as we, Americans, are cowardly and uninspiring.   They have nothing and fight.  We have everything and want more but only so long as it means we don’t have to get up from our couches to get it.   Egyptians, and Tunisians before them, take to the streets when they have had enough of tyrannical leadership that is destroying their respective beloved countries around them.  When George W. Bush did the same to America we remained on the couch, and on our hands, dipping into endless food troughs and stuffing our collective faces to morbid obesity, praying to the good Lawd to leave our God, guns and Wal-Mart alone.

The bold and the brave

The only people who have “taken to the streets” in America since the 60′s are racist teabaggers who have taken to the streets to ask for their “cuntry (sic) back” from the illegal alien black man who is holding it hostage from the Oval Office and allow themselves to be intoxicated by fear heaped upon fear by the institutionalized stupidity of the likes of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann who are the most stark examples of many of the merchants of regression and anti-intellectualism so popular in America today who are, in fact, contemptuous of anything to do with progress and thought.

Bloated, cowardly, and shameless

Fuck America and our shamelessness.  We should watch Egypt, Tunisia, and the other countries with dictatorial leaders America is in bed with who are next in line for anarchy as their brave and wonderful citizens rise up and say we’ve had enough.   We should watch closely and learn what’s truly, authentically, and genuinely worthy of dissension.   Of course, to watch and learn from such inspiring uprisings it would help to know where Egypt, Tunisia, and other countries tittering on the edge of their own uprisings, are.  We’ll have to get off our couch and pick up a book to learn the earth isn’t flat before that will happen.

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Posted in SouthPaw's Slant

Keith Olbermann

Posted on January 22, 2011 by | 56 Comments

The “sudden” departure of Keith Olbermann from MSNBC represents the loss of the one and only, and possibly the last, leftist “lampooner”….or someone who managed to collectively piss off the right power brokers night after night after night with relentless, leftist wit that hasn’t really been seen or heard since Lenny Bruce.  That’s right, Keith Olbermann was a modern-day Lenny Bruce  who, unlike Lenny, had mainstream appeal, was watched by millions, and hardly ever took himself seriously.  And it is for that very reason (hardly ever taking himself seriously)…with his tongue-in-cheek, rapid-fire delivery with a barreling baritone and frozen smart-ass look on his face, that the right hated his guts so thoroughly that they aligned themselves in such fierce opposition that it was just a matter of time before a right-wing mega-conglomerate such as Comcast would come along, purchase MSNBC and as its first order of business get rid of the one reason millions of us tuned to MSNBC weeknights at 8  est to begin with.

At the risk of overstatement, this move represents yet another giant step backwards for American civilization….as we head further and further in the direction of puritanism and the land of New America…more intolerant by the day of rationale, reason, sensibility, inclusion, and progressiveness…especially when it comes in the form of humor and wit.  That is:  we are a fucking humorless country.  I like Lawrence O’Donnell and Ed Schultz and I love Rachel Maddow. But let’s face it….they’re about as funny as a bar of soap…which is precisely why the right is much more willing to tolerate them than Olbermann.  O’Donnell and Schultz foam at the mouth each night.  It doesn’t mean they’re wrong.  It just means their message gets lost in all the mouth foam….and the right knows that.  Rachel is so polite, even-handed, and deferential that even when she’s outsmarting the right they walk away feeling that they’ve been treated so well that how can they begrudge such civility from this petite, demure woman?

Olbermann, on the other hand, infuriated because he was brutal, uncompromising and above all else….personal and did so while making fun of people is such a way that it made us laugh.  And we all know that the right doesn’t like to be made fun of.  Yes, Keith got personal…which is why we loved him so much…..and exactly what we need more of in our society.  Notice that it is primarily the right that is now (since the Tucson shooting) clamoring so for civility….yet it is the right that has, for nearly a generation with its apex being reached under the highly uncivil GWB administration, perpetrated and nurtured an uncivil civil war amongst us (remember, “us vs. them”/ 51-49 % became the standard under the GWB administration).  And suddenly the right wants to change the plane of the playing field after it is they who created the rules to begin with.

So, suddenly we all have to be civil w/ each other even if it’s disingenuous (like this ridiculous charade that will be perpetrated next week during the State of the Union address when some opposing party members of the House and Senate will sit next to each other during the address).  And it looks like our voice, our spokesperson for progressiveness…our guy who really got to them more than any fucking politician and more than any fucking pundit on Sunday morning TV, Keith Olbermann, is going to be the first victim of any consequence in the right’s new “age of civility.”

Many of you may not remember that during my time on Huffington Post I devoted a large percentage of my posts to lampooning the right and the right-wing posters who posted on the threads each day.  For this reason, I seemed to have earned many enemies in short order.  It didn’t take long for HP to get the drift and if they weren’t banning my comments, they were banning ME.   Some of the righties who took exception to my stuff, much of it only funny to me (IMHO), took very personal exception……very, very personal.  All of this eventually became too silly and once the end did not justify the means any longer, I chose to leave….and I haven’t looked back.

We live in an unfunny country my friends.  Funny…and I mean lampooning, brutal, uncivil, and painfully deserving funny is not tolerated….especially when it’s coming from the left.  This is ultimately why Olbermann is gone.  And if America thinks it’s going to be better for it….they are as sadly mistaken in that notion as America was when it thought it would be better off by allowing Joe McCarthy to hold it hostage in a prism frozen by fear.

The right is Christian…the right is humorless….and the right wants to continue setting the tone. They SAY they want civility….but only so long as it’s done by their insufferable, intolerant, and exclusionary standards.  With the loss of Olbermann,  the last bastion of mainstream television passion, controversy, and humor all wrapped in a package of progression that will probably never be seen again has vanished.  And we are a worse country for it.  It’s hard to believe we will get even worse before it’s all over.

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Posted in SouthPaw's Slant

Here Come Cowboys

Posted on January 21, 2011 by | 8 Comments

By hippie4ever

We should note this day on our calendars to document GOP crimes against humanity. At least 50,000 Americans will ‘officially’ die this year because they had no health care; then there’s the hundreds of thousands who receive atrocious health care — at dirty facilities that are to medicine what McDonalds is to cuisine. Who knows the death count? But that unnecessary loss of life falls to our elected leaders.

The fact many aren’t dying nightly on the streets infuriates many Republicans and doesn’t cause Democrats elected to public office to lose many nights’ sleep either. In the civilized world this is unacceptable; and I like to say here, for the record, fuck you Obama. Your ‘health care reform’ was only a few crumbs off the table where you got served.

Recently, following the GOP return, I took solace in watching ‘Deadwood’ and found all the roots of this diseased nation. Bravo David Milch! The criminal business class, the hoople-heads, the paltry intellectuals, the cowardly press, shills running for political office, the whores, senseless gunshot violence, all the people who look & think alike, the sociopathic crazy corporatists (George Hearst), the manipulated corrupt elections. A military for hire at a price…it’s all there, bare-assed with filthy and beautiful semi-Shakespearean language. I digress…

When I was younger & less educated I believed the United States an honorable nation; nothing dispels that faster than knowing one’s own history. This nation is a sham; its ‘revolution’ never caused power to change hands except for eliminating the tribute money to London. It’s ‘system of government’ prevents coalitions and ensures a faux choice.

American rulers have never hesitated to attack other people to keep them down. It’s been Anglo, petty bourgeois & tragic throughout this (thankfully) short history. Washington has been far worse than London towards its own people & especially people of African or indigenous origin.

Today the United States stands alone in its antipathy towards its own; denies a decent quality of life to we who pay our ‘leaders’ whose salaries include COLAs and excellent (‘IT’S SOCIALIST!!!’) health care. No HMOs for them — that’s just for us peasants.

They’re nothing more than prostitutes for the rich who conspire against law to keep us all down and they reward themselves and their fuck things in expectation of establishing dynasties. May the double-helix undo their pride within a generation.

We’re being played, this ‘Democrat’ v ‘Republican’ system of government what-the-fuck — it’s bullshit. They don’t stand for us, they do their rich employers’ bidding under any guise that will get the job done. We don’t count; I suggest we take the same attitude towards them.

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Posted in Guest Contributors

House Republicans Vote Down Health Care Reform….And Then “Get Down”…To Real Business…

Posted on January 19, 2011 by | 16 Comments

As expected, every Republican in the House today voted to repeal President  Obama’s Health Care Reform bill….and afterward all Republican male members of the House convened in their stately House steam room where they got down to a good ol’ fashioned circle-jerk,  Eric Cantor-style.

“We had to let off a little steam ((ahem)), no pun intended,” said a dry-witted Cantor.  “And nothing lets off steam better than jerking off your fellow family-values cohorts,” he added cheerfully.

Circle-jerk emeritus, Eric Cantor, took one for the team in the way of a solid left hook to the right eye when he mistakenly tried to "jerk" a Democrat

Besides being one of the largest “Circle-Jerks” in Republican House history, making this moment momentous was the opportunity for all new incoming freshman Republicans, including 50 or so teabaggers, to serve as ceremonial “pivot men” which meant that all freshman, starting with the most right-wing douchebag on down, had to “service” more than 100 of their senior Congressmen.

Senior Pivot-Man-At-Arms-Emeritus, Louie “Cueball” Gohmert of Texas, and his assistant, Vice-Senior Pivot-Man-At-Arms, Steve King of Iowa explained the role of “Pivot Man”:

"Cueball" relinguished his esteemed "duties" to freshman ball polishers

“It’s a person who is the center of attention in a Circle Jerk usually on his knees pivoting around to service the circle jerkers,” said the bald-headed Gohmert who is well known for his Texas-style ball-polishing abilities.

“But the Pivot Man is also responsible for walking around the outside of the circle and massaging the participants’ balls,” added King.

"Being a right-winger has its advantages," added King. "You're able to espouse family values and still partake in a grand old circle jerk with other men."

There was more than enough spunk to go around as every right-wing male homophobe in the House managed to “get off” in the more than two-hour spunk fest.

“Those new freshmen Republicans from Texas were on top of their game,” said an excited and impressed Cantor.  “None of them had much in the ‘parts department,’ but they were totally into what they were doing.  They were real ‘brown nosers’….and I mean that in a good way.”

“This was a great jerk,” said Gohmert….”one of the best, even by Republican standards.”

Asked how the Republicans’ circle-jerk tradition squared with the Republican anti-gay, so-called family values platform, Gohmert had a ready answer:  “We don’t want marry each other.”

“And nothing takes the edge off being an obstructionist and serving my own selfish needs and the needs of my piggish, homophobic constituents  than a good circle-jerk,” added King.

→ 16 Comments

Posted in Gay Sex is Beautiful...Ask the Right-Wing Christians Who Can't Get Enough of It

Merriam-Webster Adds the “C” Word to its 2012 Edition

Posted on January 14, 2011 by | 17 Comments

The makers of Merriam-Webster Dictionary announced today that they plan to add the “C” word to its upcoming edition in order to have a category in which to define four of the biggest cunts in American history, Michele Bachman, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and the biggest cunt of all, Sarah Palin.  It’s the first time the “C” word has ever been made an addition to a mainstream dictionary, with the exception of The Urban Dictionary which is not considered mainstream.

“Obviously it was a tough decision given the fact that the “C” word is considered by many to be the most offensive word in the English language,” said Willie B. Hardigan, Vice President of Webster’s Offensive Words Department.  “But we simply had no other word quite as vile to aptly describe these women….so we felt compelled to add it to our upcoming 2012 edition based on the sheer volume of requests we received from readers to find the right word to describe these four specific people.”

Proud "C" word 2012 Merriam-Webster entry, Bachmann, speaks before her constituents

The OTHER Michelle....but no less a cunt than the other

Hardigan says Webster’s has received more than 400 thousand requests since 2009 from its readers to add the “C” word specifically to define Michelle, Michele, Sarah, and Ann.

Ann, a "C" word of the ages reveals her natural beauty in this photo

“I’ve never seen anything like it.  The demand has been more than twice what we received when we got about 150 thousand requests to include the word ‘Dickwad’ to define George W. Bush….or the 130 thousand  solicitations to include ‘Asscrack’ to define Newt Gingrich. “

"C" word-Sarah sets her sites on another U.S. Democratic member of the House

Thus, the official entry of the “C” word in Merriam-Webster’s 2012 edition is tentatively set to look like the following:

Cunt (pronounced /ˈkʌnt/) is a vulgarism, generally referring to the female genitalia,[1] specifically the vulva, and including the cleft of Venus. The earliest citation of this usage in the 1972 Oxford English Dictionary, c 1230, refers to the London street known as Gropecunt Lane. Scholar Germaine Greer has said that “it is one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock.   Used daily throughout North America to define right-wing pundit/commentators Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter,  Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, the only fascist member of the U.S. House of Representatives, and former Alaskan Governor and aspiring assassin, Sarah Palin.

“The demand was just too great not to add the word despite its negative connotations,” added Hardigan.  “My personal opinion is, I think people, the more they envision the four people to whom the word applies, the more they will get used to it as I have.  In fact, when I now think of this word in the context of these four women, it actually becomes quite satisfying.  This may, indeed, be the first word in Merriam-Webster history that goes from MOST offensive to LEAST objectionable when used in the proper context.”

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Posted in Nailin' Palin, Stranger Than Truth

Tagged , , ,

The Petition

Posted on January 10, 2011 by | 41 Comments

Please sign, my friends, and tell Sarah Palin that violent threats have consequences…..thank you:

http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/palin_violence/?r_by=-1394567-wM_8y7x&rc=mailto2

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Posted in SouthPaw's Slant

Tagged

It’s Got To Fucking Stop

Posted on January 9, 2011 by | 51 Comments

On her website’s front page, Sarah Palin has disingenuously posted the following:

“On The Tragedy in Arizona”

“My sincere condolences are offered to the family of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and the other victims of today’s tragic shooting in Arizona.

On behalf of Todd and my family, we all pray for the victims and their families, and for peace and justice.

- Sarah Palin”

Sarah, you should add…”and oh by the way, I am proud to take responsibility, at least in part, for Saturday’s “tragedy.”

Indeed.

Sarah Palin, Louie Gohmert, Dick Armey, Glenn Beck, Jim DeMint, and all the rest of them finally got one of their message deliverers to REALLY deliver….in the form of a bullet to the head to Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford and a score of others, six of whom were killed including a nine year old girl on Saturday in Tucson.

There’s no way this fucked-up country of ours should allow Palin, Armey, DeMint, and the rest of the to escape their culpability, which should be considered HUGE.  They should now be allowed to escape….not this time.  All eyes and fingers of blame should be set squarely in the direction of Palin, Armey, DeMint, et al.  If this were a civilized country, they would already be in America’s “crosshairs.”

Palin has been fanning the flames of outrage and dissent for a year now, like Hitler exploiting the weak, ignorant, and vulnerable, and getting away with it every step of the way, unchecked, and in fact rewarded for her literal calling to arms or actions falling just short of calling to arms.  The time has long come for sane America, or what’s left of it, to “call itself to arms” to stop these people because if Saturday’s action goes unchecked it will simply further embolden them….thus further empowering them to continue.  It will only be a matter of days (if it hasn’t happened already) before Palin, Armey, and the rest of these like-minded vermin to began a campaign of deflection and denial….

Thoughts?

(This blog doesn’t make a habit of advocating action but the anarchy that is no longer on the horizon but has, indeed, arrived that is perpetrated by exploitative whores as Palin and Armey who explicitly solicit covert action from their insane teabagging constituency, has got to fucking stop)

(Note from Editor:  SweetBabu’s insightful comments on this post have been made into a guest post which you may see immediately below.)

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Posted in SouthPaw's Slant

Tagged , ,

Ask the Intellectuals…

Posted on January 7, 2011 by | 15 Comments

Welcome to, “Ask the Intellectuals.”  I’m your host, Southpawbeagle.

In this episode, we ask four of the most renowned minds of the 17th, and 2oth/21st centuries, Keynesian  economist, John Kenneth Galbraith, philosopher and professor, Dr. Cornel West,  linguist and philosopher, Noam Chomsky, and poet, John Keats….the following compelling question:

“Why are Republicans such fat,  worthless, whiny, cock-sucking, earthshatteringly spineless, self-serving, weasely, fuck-stick, christian pussies?”

Southpaw: “Shall we start with you Mr. Galbraith?”

Galbraith:  “Call me Ken”

“Okay, Ken, what are your thoughts on today’s question?”

John Kenneth Galbraith

Galbraith:  “Thank you Southpaw….and thank you for allowing us to address this all important subject.  Indeed, the modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s  oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.  Thus, in my estimation it is difficult in the difficult economic times in which we find ourselves, to determine if Republicans are more worthless, whiny cocksuckers…or worthless, spineless and self-serving fuck-sticks.”

Dr. West:  “Thus, if I interpret your analysis correctly Sir Ken, you are without question saying they are worthless fuck-sticks, correct?”

Ken: “Yes Dr. West…but a determination should eventually be made via quantitative research analysis whether or not they are more worthless pussies or worthless fuck-sticks.”

Poet Keats:  “But gentlemen….can they not be both…and much, much more.  I implore you.  I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart’s affections, and the truth of imagination….that, and the fact that Republicans are pasty, white, dough-boy, christian fuck-sticks who are worthless.”

Southpaw:  “Mr. Keats, as moderator, I must ask you to refrain from adding extraneous and  gratuitous adjectives to this conversation.”

Poet Keats:  “My humble apologies”

Professor Chomsky:  “Gentlemen, without question our ignorance can be divided into problems and mysteries. When we face a problem, we may not know its solution, but we have insight, increasing knowledge, and an inkling of what we are looking for. When we face a mystery, however, we can only stare in wonder and bewilderment, not knowing what an explanation would even look like.  However, there is NO mystery…and there is NO bewilderment to the mere fact that all Republicans are, indeed, fat, tiny-penised, worthless, christian pussies.  This much can be linguistically measured.”

Professor Chomsky

Galbraith:  “But you agree that there is economic and empirical evidence that they are fuck-sticks?  This much we may ascertain?”

Keats/Chomsky in unison:  “Why of course…indubitably, undeniably, unequivocally, without question!!”

Southpaw: “Dr. West, do you concur?”

Dr. West

Dr. West: ” In situations of sparse resources along with degraded self-images and depolitcized sensibilities, one avenue for poor people is an existential rebellion and anarchic expression.  The  capacity to produce social chaos is the last resort of desperate people.”

Southpaw:  So, Republicans are more fat,  worthless, whiny, cock-sucking, and earthshatteringly spineless, or self-serving, weasely, fuck-stick, christian pussies, Dr. West?”

Dr. West:  “Both…without question.”

Southpaw: “To quote American author, J.D. Salinger, to each of you…you are a scholar and a gentleman and I thank you.  Mr. Keats, I give you the last word…”

Keats conceptualizes poem about the doughboy love handles of Newt Gingrich

Keats:

“How strange it is that man on earth should roam,
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone
His future doom which is but to awake…….and, of course, Republicans such fat,  worthless, whiny, cock-sucking, earthshatteringly spineless, self-serving, weasely, fuck-stick, christian pussies.”

Southpaw:  “Thank you.  And I bid you goodnight.”

Join Southpawbeagle in the next episode of our series, “Ask the Intellectuals”, as he brings together the great minds of Gloria Steinem, Aung San Suu Kyi, Margaret Mead, and Susan Faludi who will consider the complexity of the following question:  “Which being has the smallest brain, the fruit fly, the mosquito, or Michele Bachmann?”

I think, therefore I am.....not a worthless, pasty, cocksucking, spineless, Republican pussy, christian fuck-stick

I am therefore I thunk

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Posted in Pussy Politicians, Republicans Are Ratfucks

Speaker of the House Afflicted With Encopresis

Posted on January 5, 2011 by | 58 Comments

To honor our new Speaker of the House, we release this little known heart-warming story about this orange-tanned man……

For years, House Minority Leader John Boehner has been known (mostly behind his back) as “Piles.”   But no one, except for his closet confidants, knew why…until now.

An aide close to Boehner who refuses to be identified explained the nickname to Southpaw in a short interview on the National Mall recently during the aide’s lunch break….

“You didn’t hear this from me…but Rep. Boehner shits his pants,” said the aide.

Boehner, the aide confirmed, suffers from a disorder, diagnosed in the DSM IV, known as “Encopresis” which, in clinical language, means uncontrollably dumping a hot, smelly, steamy load in one’s fucking drawers, which occurs as a result of developmental or emotional issues.

"Piles" wipes away perspiration after dumping a load in pants

“He does it all the time,” said the aide.  “We’ll be sitting there in a meeting and next thing you know you see his face tighten up and turn more orange than normal and you can just tell he’s ready to dump one.  And the smell…jesus oh god the smell!!  Have you ever smelled a skunk out in the country side?” asked the aide.  “Well, it’s like that mixed with burning tires.  The House Minority Leader has a nasty ass,” the aide concluded not really helping matters much.

“Yep….  ‘Piles’ is a pants shitter,” said Boehner’s colleague and best friend, Eric Cantor, resigned to the fact that this embarrassing revelation is now grist for the mill.  “We’ve been trying to get John to address this issue for years but he’s always like, ‘I’ll take care of it’ …and then he never does because he’ll be back first thing Monday morning shitting his pants again and I swear to god it smells like a motherfucker.”

"This is the man I want 'Piles' to be...but the man I know he'll never be," said Cantor

Boehner also suffers from other childhood disorders such as Tourettes Syndrome and Oppositional Defiant Disorder and one adult affliction, Erectile Dysfunction.

“I think ‘Piles’ putting all of the orange tan crap on is a compensation for his not being able to get his dick up which is really funny because what woman in her right mind would want to get it on with a guy who shits his pants,” added Boehner’s best friend, Cantor.

“I wouldn’t want to,” he added…..”even though I have.”

(((hmmm, really? thought Southpaw.   An intriguing story for another day)))

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Posted in Pussy Politicians, Republicans Are Ratfucks

Tagged ,

My Predictions for 2011….and They Ain’t Pretty

Posted on January 2, 2011 by | 56 Comments

2011 promises to be a fine year…with a number of certainties or near-certainties, to include…

…Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, a woman trapped in a man’s body for his entire adult life will use campaign funds to finally realize his sex change….becoming “Midge” McConnell…

…Eric Cantor ditches his wife of a number of years to say “I do” to his true love, Kevin Federline (whom he met at a Britney Spears concert in D.C. two years ago)…

Cantor demonstrates what he wants out of life

Kevin, since leaving Britney, has put on the fat that Eric loves

…Clarence Thomas and Michael Steele revive the roles of the famous 50′s comic duo of Amos and Andy as they bring the these lovable characters to the big screen.  Here’s a clip from the new show with Thomas playing the fat guy and Steele playing the skinny, weasely guy:

…concurrently, Jim DeMint will realize HIS lifelong dream by playing his boyhood idol, Al Jolson, in the Columbia, South Carolina theater production of  “The Good Ol’ Days….When Negros Knew Their Place, and We Knew Ours.”

DeMint in "black face" with Al Jolson on the right

…Jon Kyl and Jeff Sessions will have butt sex…..again (nothing new here except for the fact that they move their “action” to Sessions Senate office).

"Will you wear the thong I gave you tonight, for me?"

…through with politics (or politics through with her), Christine O’Donnell’s ass will become as big as a barn as she won’t be able to stop eating in 2011.

:

Favorite foods:

this.....and....

...that

…new Tea Party members of Congress will get busted for organizing pee parties (previously known as “golden showers”) and attempt to justify their actions by claiming to be “pissed off” at politics as usual…

"Ah hereby offer mah support fo the Pee Par...err, ah mean, TEA PARTY!"

…in death, Ronald Reagan will continue to make more of a post-Presidential difference than in life…

…after a grueling election loss in Nevada, Sharron Angle will recharge her batteries with a six-week vacation to her native Uranus….

Better to have Sharron in Uranus than my anus

…Republican Mike Pence will be made an honorary Brownie Scout for all of his behind-the-scenes work with little girls (he will also be arrested for all of his “behind the scenes” work with little girls)….

…Glenn Beck will have penis enlargement surgery to increase his size from two to three inches…

…Disgraced Senator Larry Craig will be back in the public eye with a new singing trio known as the “Smoking Poles” that includes Lindsey Graham and Mark Foley.  Craig will sing baritone and play the skin flute, Graham will play the gristle whistle, while Foley will go solo on the schlong dong.  The trio already has a hit record on Capitol Hill Records, “Bend Over Rover…and let Boner Come Over”…dedicated to John Boehner…

…and speaking of the new Speaker,   in an effort to prevent a law from passing that will prevent millions of poor children in America from going hungry and dying of malnutrition,  Boehner will carry out the first-ever “crying” filibuster  and plans to cry for a straight 16 hours…

…word will get out that Texas Governor Rick Perry wears women’s lingerie…which somehow makes him even MORE popular in Texas…

Underneath that manly man are some of Victoria's best Secrets

…Haley Barbour will admit to the worst kept secret in recent history…that he is Grand Dragon of a resurgent KKK…

...uh, make that the Grand "DRAGON"

The worst things to ever have been introduced in America: 1.) New Coke, 2.) AIDS, 3.) Sarah Palin, and 4.) Christianity....not in that particular order (3 of 4 are still with us and 3 of 4 are a cancer)

…and Sarah Palin will continue to prosper thanks to her proud citizenship of the dumbest industrialized nation on earth…

Your predictions?

…

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Posted in Stranger Than Truth

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