Some of the most powerful Republican men in Washington have somehow managed to rise to unprecedented heights of power despite having tiny penises which in and of itself is unprecedented.
“It is unprecedented,” said penis expert, Dr. Mike Oxsbig, author of the book Big Men, Little Dicks, “that these famous men who are all-powerful could rise to such power with little or no penis. In my many years of research and studies, I’ve found that most powerful men have a good size on em….all but Republican men who nearly 100 percent of the time have a serious size deficit that seems at odds with the power that they wield.”
“Are you at liberty to name names Dr. Oxsbig?” asked Southpaw
“Of course I am,” said Dr. Oxsbig.
“Aren’t you afraid of being sued?”
“Why would I be?….It’s pretty common knowledge that these Republican men have little dicks that offer no pleasure except to Mary Fivefingers, Palmala Handerson, or Anita Handjob. Besides, all of them are divulged in my book, Big Men, Little Dicks.”
“Okay….here goes…..in categories starting with under four inches but larger than three… hard: Jon Kyl, John Cornyn, Lindsey Graham, John McCain, Paul Ryun, Kit Bond, Kay Bailey Hutchinson……
“Wait a minute!! She’s a woman!!!”
“So say some…. May I continue?”
…under four inches but larger than three….hard….Trent Franks, John Thune, James Inhofe, Tom Coburn, Phil Gingrey, Jack Kingston, Dan Burton, and Pat Roberts.”
“In the category of under three inches, which means anywhere from three inches to less than one…” : John Boehner, Todd Palin, Mitch McConnell, Joe Barton, Louie Gohmert , John Ensign, Rand Paul, Ron Paul, Larry Craig (disclaimer: Larry has been known to get up to four inches with a member of same-sex), Tom Delay (former Rep. of Texas….but still has less than three-inch pecker), Jeff Sessions, David Vitter, Tom Price, Mike Pence, Mark Souder, Steve King, Thaddeus McCotter, Roy Blunt, Joe Wilson, John Culberson, Lamar Smith, Jeb Hensarling, Jim DeMint, Sam Brownback, Newt Gingrich, Joe the Plumber, Saxby Chambliss, GWB, Jeb Bush, and Dick Cheney.”
“Do all powerful Washington Democrats have big dicks then,” asked Southpaw.
“All but two,’ said Dr. Oxsbig. “Ben Nelson and Joe Lieberman who fall somewhere in between the two aforementioned categories.”
Big Men, Little Dicks goes on sale this coming weekend at Borders, Barnes and Noble, and Books a Million.