Monthly Archives: July 2010

The Chronicles of the Mind of George W. Bush…..

Dedication: These Chronicles have been dedicated to the three former members of the SPB staff who lost their lives in the pursuit of this story.

Prelude:   After GWB left office we asked a renowned physician to have a thought transponder microscopically placed in George W. Bush’s brain (once the physician could find it) to enable only us, with the use of a transponding flux capacitating receiving device, to hear the thoughts of Bush.  Our physician, who asked that his identity not be disclosed,  agreed to do this unbeknownst to Bush and, for the first time ever, after hundreds of  exhaustive hours listening and transcribing Bush’s thoughts….we are proud to present them for the first time ever here, on Southpawbeagle.

Editor’s Note:  To differentiate between George  W. Bush’s thoughts and “real-time” conversation between Bush and friends and family take note of the following symbols:

Bush’s thoughts are designated by the following symbols:  (((          )))

Bush’s “real-time” conversations, as well as Bush’s writings, will be designated by quotations marks

Southpaw narration:  no symbols

….and now, my friends, I bring you:   The Chronicles of the Mind of George W. Bush:

Chap I:  My God I wish I had married another woman.….

“GEORGE..!!!!  Can you put down your memoirs for a little bit and come to lunch????”

“OKAY!!! In a minute Laura….I’m just wrapping up Chap I”

Chap I had been particularly troublesome for “W”….possibly because he had been traumatized by his eight year Presidency….but more likely because he was simply a brainless fuckhead who couldn’t write for shit anymore than he could do anything else.  Nevertheless….he tried….to make yet another lame, post-Presidential set of memoirs more than just another boring, pointless rewriting of history.  He, however, was failing miserably…

“And so it was on that fateful day of Sept 11, 2001, that I would meet my chosen destiny….to be a hero to the American people and, perhaps, the greatest President to ever live simply because I….”

“GEORGE!!!! YOUR LUNCH IS GETTING COLD!!!!”

“I’m COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

(((my god how I hate her…how I’ve always hated her.  Boring, schoolmarmish do-gooder.  The places I could have gone without having this human library book anchored to me.   One day I will be free of her…..even if it means I have to have her ki… )))

Happier times

“GEORGE…for the last time…LUNCH!!!!!!!”

(((Now Palin…that’s someone  who could have rocked my world…..good looking chick, cold, cunning, calculating, heartless……my kind of woman.  She can jump into my flight suit any day of the week.  She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch….a golf ball through a garden hose…..why that mouth of her could have played beautiful music on my gristle whistle.  What I would NOT DO to trade her for Laura right this minute.  That Palin chick sure as shit wouldn’t have me in here writing my stupid-ass memoirs.  And speaking of my memoirs….what bullshit.  It’s amazing that dumbshit Americans by the millions will shell out 24.95 for me to sell this patriotic horseshit.  I love this line:  “Our mission was to the protect the American people.  And I, as Commander in Chief, would have gone down with the proverbial ship if necessary in order to save a single life….for to save a single life would have made my Presidency worth every second.” )))

(((HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  And if you believe that, you stupid fucking Americans, I have these weapons of mass destruction to sell you.  Let me get them…they’re right here under my bed…..BOOM!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Karl Rove once told me, after we had been drinking most of the night, “George, give me a nickle for every evangelical hayseed who will believe every word we say so long as we wrap it around old glory….and I’d be a rich man !”  Ahhh Karl….how I love him so.  I miss him.  The warm embrace….the hugs….the late night massages……the sex.  Where did it go wrong between us?  With Karl by my side I could have scaled new heights on the backs of so many millions of stupid Americans.  God though how I love America.  About the only place where a life-time, frat-rat, ne’er do well like myself, who likes to drink more than just about anything under the sun, can be President.  One day I plan to….)))

“GEORGE!!!!! I’m going to give your lunch to Barney!!!”

“Okay.  I’m coming.”

(((Soon Laura…..soon.  Your goddamn day of reckoning is right around the corner)))

….Chap II Thoughts to be continued:   Condi….that chick could fuck like a mink

GWB takes on a new, modern image

Mitch….Filibusterer…Man of Honor….Man without Dick

The many faces of the man without chin

Finally we have a man like Mitch McConnell who, in the
Interest of what is best for America, is willing to
Lean harder on this obstructionist administration
Insisting, via filibuster, that they come to the
Bargaining table and
Undergo some real,
Sincere negotiations in an effort to
Truly do what is best for
Everyone in the most
Responsible way possible when so

Many of us have suffered over the
Years

Due to a weak economy and
Irresponsible spending which have most
Certainly left this country in a
Kind of lethargy that has

Made it all the more
Important that
Team players like Mitch McConnell
Come forward and
Honor all of us by doing what is right for all the people all of the time…

…none of which is true which is why it’s even more important to:
__________ __ ____ _____

(fill in blanks with first letter of each line above)

Alberto Gonzales is Back….and You Better Believe it Baby….And That Means You….and You….and You and You

The message is out:  DON’T FUCK WITH ALBERTO GONZALES….cause if you DO, prepare to be fucked up.

“He tore through me like I wasn’t even there,” said D.C. coffee shop owner, Howie Feltersnatch,who approached Gonzales outside his shop after Gonzales skipped out on his bill.

“He had two bearclaws and an espresso and just got up and walked out as casually as a sunny day.  I ran out and confronted him and the next thing you know I was eating sidewalk.  A word to the wise…don’t fuck with this guy.  He’s pissed off and he seems to have a chip on his shoulder.”

“I would agree with that assessment,” said D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty.  When we found out Gonzales was back in town, we pretty much spread the word….hand’s off.  I’m short enough on police officers as it is….I don’t need any of them getting hurt and having to go out because they tangled with Gonzales.  As far as I’m concerned, Mr. Gonzales can come and go as he sees fit.  We don’t want to give him any trouble, and we don’t want any trouble from him.”

At a hastily organized news conference, Fenty grimly announces that Gonzales in in town

…and if D.C. thinks they’ve seen trouble, they oughta see what he did in Texas before he decided to roll back into town.

“Ay Caramba…Nunca he visto a nadie tan infadado (“Never have I seen anyone so angry”), said Faustino Hernandez, who runs a small dry cleaning joint in a dust bowl pueblo near Brownsville, TX, and who was asked to speak English for this interview.   “Pues,  Sr. Gonzales vino aqui….ah, sorry senor….Mister Gonzales came in my store one day to pick up some shirts and he seemed really pissed off.   I gave him his shirts the same as always and he was muy muy unhappy with the amount of starch in his shirts. I said, ‘why Mr. Gonzales, I am so sorry sir that you are  unhappy.  No charge today sir,’ I said.  But Mr. Gonzales told me to shove his shirts up my ass and told me he was sick of people fucking with him, may Dios forgive me for having to repeat those words.  He slapped me around a bit and left vowing to fuck up anyone who stands in his way.”

Better Times: Gonzales mugs with donut shop owner, Hector Gilipollas in 2006....three years before beating him to death for serving him a stale chocolate cake donut

And after setting much of  SW Texas straight, Gonzales is back in D.C. to set THIS city straight.  Outside of the The Capitol,  Southpaw caught up with the former Attorney General, noted mostly for coining the phrase, ‘I don’t recall,’ and tried to ask him what the phrase ‘I Don’t Recall’ means to him.  A twisted arm and two sucker punches later, one to the gut and one to my left jaw, pretty much gave us the answer:  DON’T FUCK WITH THIS MAN.

….and if you don’t believe it, hear it from the man himself:

“I invented the phrase, ‘I Don’t Recall’….and if you or anyone else doesn’t like it, just come on over here and let me introduce you to Mr. Fist and his Five Friends.”

If you see him look like THIS, it may be too late for you already

“Little Albercito used to be such a sweet, sweet boy,” said his mama, Lucianne Gonzales, as she prepared tortillas over an open fire on a dusty street in front of her mud thatch hut in Rio Bajo, Mexico.  “But no se que pasa with my little Albercito now.  He is now filled with so much hate….he is filled with the devil…..the devil I say…the devil,” Ms. Gonzales repeated somewhat obnoxiously.

“You talkin’ to me? ” Gonzales said to anyone within earshot.  “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to? You talkin’ to me? Well I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” said a maniacal Gonzales.

Behind that smile is pure vengeance, says his mama....a heart of darkness

Big Don Blankenship Shows Concern……Over a Missing Bearclaw

It’s back to business as usual for Don Blankenship, Massey Energy CEO, whose Upper Big Branch coal mine in West Virginia blew up and  killed 29 of his miners in April of this year…..

Big Daddy do like his Stars and Stripes....he jist don't much like his miners....which is why he keeps killing em

0700: Monday morning meeting at Big Don’s office

Big Don: “Okay, let’s go around the table and report the weekend’s events starting with you Tom…how’d things go at  mine shaft #1?”

“Well Big Don….I’m sorry to report we lost six on Saturday night when the roof caved in that one area that had 456 safety violations written up on it just this year alone.”

Big Don: “Okay, well throw some duct tape over it and get things cranking down there again. Shaft #2?”

“I’m afraid we lost four this weekend Big Don….it seems somebody forgot to red tag that one valve that’s been faulty for a couple of years and had 756 safety violations on it.”

Big Daddy walks away from an empty box of Krispy Kreme's.....pissed, of course

Big Don: “Say, did any of you fuckers see who parked in my spot this morning?  I swear to god if I get my hands on the little fucker who did that….Anyhow, last but not least, shaft #3?

“I’m sorry to report that we lost eight Big Don….the discobobolator blew to kingdom come.  Seems one of our new guys didn’t know it was faulty and tried to turn the damn thing on.  Of course there was no documentation on it being faulty even though The Federal Mine Safety and Health Administration had written it up a couple of hundred times.”

Big Don:  “Okay….Now I’m REALLY PISSED !!!”

“About the safety violations and deaths Big Don??!?!”

Big Don:  “No…..I just wanna know who the fuck ordered the donuts this morning… I specifically asked for two bear claws and I only see ONE here !!!! When I find out who did this the son-of-a-bitch WILL BE SACKED and I SHIT YOU NOT !!!!”

…..another day of good corporate citizenship for Big Daddy Don Blankenship….

Even Big Daddy's prized sled dog, "Buster," hates Big Daddy's fucking guts

“I’m afraid we lost four this weekend Big Don….it seems somebody forgot to red tag that one valve that’s been faulty for a couple of years and had 756 safety violations on it.”

Huffington Post’s Tribute to Hume Skeptic and Carl Vee/Floyd R. Turbo

My friends, Huffington Post has published a wonderful tribute to our dearly departed posters, Hume and Carl.  Please visit:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-marcel/remembring-humeskeptic-an_b_650549.html

Teabaggers Get Their Own Clothing Line

Soon you’ll be able to stay up on the latest Minuteman look, to include Paul Revere hats, buckled shoes, and knee socks with garters via one-stop shopping at Wal-Mart.

“There was a great demand for Teabagging clothing and accoutrements…and we met that demand, said Anita B. Lojob, clothing-line manager for Wal-Mart. “Our teabagging line will be on Aisle 13, right between the aisle of gigantic canisters of artificially-flavored cheese puffs, enormous cans of potted meat bi-product and the our soft-drink aisle where we keep convenient 160 ounce bottles of Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, and sugar laden bottles of Wal-Mart’s cheaper knock-off versions of name brand soft drinks.”

Anita B. Lojob, Clothing manager for Wal-Fart

Dick Weed, of Paducah, Kentucky, for one, is happy with Wal-Mart’s decision and just wishes they could have done this a long time ago. “I had to go all over Timbuktu to get my complete outfit,” said Weed .  I went to K-Mart to get my knickers and garters, Payless to get my buckled shoes, a couple of thrift stores to get a vest with metal buttons and hooks, and I had to go to a Halloween outlet store all the way over in Tennessee to get my Paul Revere hat.  So it’s nice to know I only have to go to Wal-Mart from now on once I need accessories or an upgrade in my Minuteman outfit.”

Dick Weed, new Aisle 13 convert and mentally challenged, inbred piece of shit

Lojob said Wal-Mart will also include teabags in Aisle 13 that can be purchased in bulk of 1000 teabags or more.  “We’ll also have an ample supply of books and pamphlets of ready-made teabagging talking points and conspiracy theories about the President’s birth certificate and other crazed notions.  Plus we’re proud to offer lots of pre-made posters and placards with racist and jingoistic sayings about the President, Socialism, immigration, and other negative things about minorities. Basically, aisle 13 will have everything a teabagger or an aspiring, up-and-coming teabagger could want.  And we offer all clothing items in various colors, shapes and sizes to accommodate anyone from three to 103.  We have an endless supply of “Ah Waan Mah Cuntry Baaaack” t-shirts, tank-tops, jackets and underwear.”

An enlightened Aisle 13 shopper

“Basically I don’t have to do my shopping anywhere else now,” said Weed.  “I mean, I  was already doing 97 percent of my shopping at Wal-Mart.  But now it’s the only place I’ll ever have to go besides church and hunting.  I guarantee you I goddamn guarantee you I’ll  be spending a lot of time in aisle 13.”

Aisle 13 is the place to be...farm living is the life for me, my hips spreading out so far and wide, keep your culture just give me my burger and fries

“We’re just happy to find another subset of satisfied customers,” added Lojob.   Wal-Mart’s aim has always been to keep up with the latest styles and fashions while keeping our prices affordable.  Not all of our Wal-Mart shoppers are teabaggers….but every last teabagger is most definitely a Wal-Mart shopper,” beamed Lojob.

On HumeSkeptic, The Great Informer

He took his user name from the 18th century philosopher, David Hume…and he used the picture of Albert Einstein, which he never changed, as his user avatar. That’s about the extent of my knowledge of HumeSkeptic, Huffington Post’s most legendary and enduring poster who, I understand through the usual grapevine channels of HP, died recently of cancer.

Hume, according to his profile, had been posting since Huffington Post’s inception in 2005. He had made the most comments (more than 90 thousand) making him the most prolific and recognized poster who was, arguably, the most popular if not controversial poster in HP’s short history based on the amount of people who had “fanned” him. Beyond that, I personally knew nothing about Hume. I didn’t even know his real name. For all I know it was, indeed, “Hume,” though that’s doubtful. How much can one know about a poster on a blog as Huffington Post, which is likely the most well-know blog in the history of the Internet? If you’re lucky or unlucky as it were, to actually get to personally know a handful of Huffington Post posters, this can be a good thing, I suppose, depending on one’s perspective. After all, Huffington Post (like all blogs and like the larger picture of the Internet) is a place where anonymity converges and becomes familiar, even intimate (or as intimate as one can be via words written on a computer screen), and where people who will, likely, never meet beyond sterile comments back and forth to each other, have written discourse as if they are best friends….or worst enemies.

One could make the case that you have to have some pretty impenetrable armor to venture into Huffington Post….especially if you, like Hume, are viscerally opinionated to the point that you are, seemingly, not afraid to “put yourself out there” each and every time you make a comment “at the top of the thread” as we say. But why should one be afraid? After all, whatever one gets in the way of replies from one’s comments on Huffington Post are just words, right? That would depend on who you talk to. I’ve noticed during my time on Huffington Post that there are many different types of posters but really only two major categories: those who post “at the top of threads” (meaning those who make comments as an original post and not as a reply to someone else’s original post), and those who simply reply to others’ original posts. Hume was definitely the former (an original, top-of-the-thread poster) who, from time to time dabbled in replies as well.

Hume set the bar to its initial height in original posting….and was never really surpassed no matter how hard others tried. When he posted a comment it seemed to command more attention from other posters simply because he was Hume. And he was both revered and reviled simply because he was, seemingly, unafraid to say what others would not necessarily say or, perhaps, simply because he was “Hume” and so recognizable. And that’s the way it is with Huffington Post. If you, like Hume, are a “top of the threader” prepare to be brutalized by those who may have different ideologies from yours. Sometimes replies to one’s comments can be so vicious as to cause people to quit Huffington Post altogether which begs the question, why the person who quits was willing to sign on to this blog to begin with. Yes, you do, often, have to have the thickest of skin to post here. But why? Why should any of it matter when, again, they are just words from god knows who from god knows where from god knows what background posting from god knows what perspective. It matters because we are, first and foremost, human with human emotions and human feelings who, like in any aspect of life, want to be regarded…even validated. One could make the case that our need for regard and validation is why we signed up for HP to begin with.

As for Hume, I’m not entirely certain he cared one whit about validation or ever wanted anyone to know much more about him beyond what one could learn about him from his extensive body of work of comments. If one were to define Hume based on his comments alone, one could perhaps conclude that he was, as he was so often accused by others over the years, insufferably arrogant, aloof, cold, bitterly calculating, even mean-spirited from time to time particularly when he was pompous and dismissive of others. But, if you followed him as much as I and others did over the years and examined his exhaustive body of work in its whole as opposed to the sum of its parts, you could conclude that he was our “great informer” on HP. He gave us the information, couched that information in his opinions, and then left it up to us how we wanted to use it. He could be very impatient with people if they made the mistake of replying to one of his informative comments in what he may have deemed in a naive or obtuse fashion. He could, in fact, take some more vulnerable repliers to his comments to pieces with ruthless abandonment. But was this done with malice? I guess the only way to know this for certain is to have known Hume…which so few of us actually did. My guess is, it was not with malice as much as it was with impatience coming from a man who wanted people to take the wealth of information and opinions he offered and “run with them” in order to formulate their own opinions and, subsequently, improve upon their personal knowledge base by virtue of having done so.

One of my HP friends made the comment today that he seemed to mellow recently in regards to his patience, or lack thereof. Perhaps this “mellowness” came from his illness and his impending demise. Perhaps he just grew tired of “gnashing teeth” with both friend and foe. Who’s to say? One thing is certain however: this prolific poster should not just die and go unrecognized as if he never existed in the first place because he was, for such a long, long time, our standard bearer and our defacto leader who was, seemingly and completely, unafraid to put himself out there on the proverbial “firing line” taking shots from all sides and seemingly unaffected by the things that people would say to him in the ruthless netherworld of the anonymous blog. Hume was a stalwart leftist who was uncompromising in his opinions that were certainly more often right than wrong.

But whether he was right or wrong about anything hardly matters. What does matter is Hume was always there to defend his cause…a cause shared by many of us….and had the guts and the courage to do it day after day after day which made all of us, including yours truly, a little less apprehensive….and, indeed, a little braver about venturing into the scary world of the anonymity of the blog. For that, he earned my admiration….and for that I shall miss him.

“Guns, God, and Guts” vs. “God, Guns, and Guts”

After much rancor and debate, some of it leading to violence that cost the lives of at least  five backwater, inbred Christian hillbillies, major legislation was passed on Monday in the Bayou State  that changes the phrase, “God, Guts, and Guns” to “Guns, God, and Guts.”

Supporters of "Guns, God, Guts" pray to God for "Guns, God, Guts" over "God, Guns, Guts"

“There were a lot of strong feelings on this issue these past three years,” said Piyush “Bobby” Jindal, the mop-haired 18-year old Governor of the backwater state.  ”Lives were lost, marriages were broken, and life-long friendships ended over this issue. “

Gov. Piyush "Bobby" Jindal

What started out in 2007 as somewhat docile, quickly escalated to nearly civil war proportions.  It was in 2007 at the Harry Azcrac First Presbyterian Church that church deacon, Buster Himen, proposed a statewide change in the famous phase, “God, Guts and Guns” to “Guns, God, and Guts.”

Teabagger and controversial leader of the "Gun, God, and Guts" initiative in Louisiana, Buster Himan

“The way ah figured things, we need guns to protect our God…cause we wouldn’t have a God without guns  and, of course, we have guts cause we have guns.  So I figure guns oughta come before God in that phrase….not that guns are more important than God…but it’s because I need my gun to make sure I can keep my God, got it?”

As things turned out, millions of Louisiana’s DID get it.  The problem is, millions also didn’t (get it).

“Himan is an atheist as far as I’m concerned,” said Fudd G. Packer of the Craven Moorehead Holy Trinity Church of the Fuckheads located across town.  ”God should never, ever come second in that phrase….or second to anything else for that matter.  We need God to protect our guns….not the other way around…and I think it takes guts to make sure that God stays in front of guns in that phrase.”

…and the rest is history.  What initially started as a war of words between the two churches erupted into violence as the members of the two churches met in the streets on Sundays before church armed with bibles, baseball bats, and lots and lots of guns.

“I’ve never seen such hatred,” said Louisiana State police officer, Mike Rotchburns.  ”We lost two hayseeds on the first Sunday and three crackers on the second. I hate to see people hurt and killed over something like this but this is war as far as the Louisiana people are concerned and we all believe in fighting for a good cause.”

“Do you have an opinion on this issue yourself, officer Rotchburns?” Southpaw asked.

“Well, I think God is important to having guns but I think guns are necessary to make sure we protect God so I kind of think that God and guns are interchangeable.  I love my God….but I love my guns.  I guess you could say, I love my God and guns equally….and I would never let anyone take away my God or guns unless they pried them from my cold dead fingers.”

“Himan just THINKS he’s won,” said Packer.  ”But I’ll be goddamn if I’m gonna allow him to put guns before my God….not that I don’t love guns, which I do.  God, do I love guns…but guns should not ever be before God no matter how much one loves guns.  Man must love God and guns but man must love God a little more than guns….not THAT much more, just a little more.”

Fudd G. Packer, Leader of the coalition to preserve "God, Guns, Guts" over "Guns, God, Guts," says he'll die for what he considers the greatest cause of mankind

Meanwhile, peripheral issues as child hunger, 13 percent unemployment, and one of the poorest educational systems in the world remain on hold until this major issue can be resolved once and for all.

“We’ll get to those other things eventually.  But nothing comes before GOD, Guns, and Guts.”

“You must mean, Guns, God, and Guts,” said Himan overhearing Packer.

Bristol Palin Takes Over for David Gregory on MTP

Bristol Palin signed a multi-year contract with NBC to take over the reigns of Meet the Press from David Gregory after his recent dismissal due to conflict of interest issues he had as a member of the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders.

“David did great for us, especially covering  for the dearly departed Tim Russert….but we knew he would never be permanent,” said MTP producer Amanda Poker.  “His cheerleader duties on Sundays with the Dolphins were definitely getting in the way and he just seems much more committed to wearing  tight shorts that hug his ass-crack  and a cheerleader brassiere and shaking pom-poms.   We were just waiting for the right person to come along and we were lucky to snag Bristol when we had the chance .”

New MTP host, Bristol, answers questions while posing with her severely retarded older brother

“Does the fact that Bristol is not a journalist and has not a minute of journalism experience make any difference?” asked Southpaw.

“No,” answered Poker quickly.  “David Gregory was the anchor for more than two years and, to this day, he still performs as if he’s not had any experience either. “

“Bristol Palin will be David Gregory with bigger tits, that’s all,”  added Poker.  “Do  you have any idea how many dudes out there want to do Bristol,” said Poker.  “Who gives a shit how much she knows about journalism. “

The prissy, blow-dried pussy says goodbye to MTP, not by choice, and hello to his first love....cheerleading with a tiny outfit that shows his asscrack and dog tits

“But without any journalism or political experience, how’s she supposed to hold her own with people like John Boehner or Mitch McConnell?” asked Southpaw.

“She’ll be fine,” said Poker.  “We plan to have her ask questions about John Boehner’s spray-on tan product line and about Mitch McConnell’s love life and how long he’s had to take Viagra to get his pecker up….that sort of thing.”

“But those aren’t really  political-type questions,” said Southpaw.

“No one gives a shit about those type questions as it is,” said Poker.  “Our rating are rock bottom and that’s against the likes of Jake Tapper of ‘This Week’ and ‘Face the Nation’ that no one has watched since 1992.  Bristol has big tits and that’s more than enough to not only get people on the show as guests but to blow Jake Tapper away.  Nobody cares that she’s empty-headed.”

As for Gregory, he says he looks forward to getting back into his cheerleader outfit.

“It makes me feel sexy,” he said.  “And I love the way men stare at my ass when I shake my pom-poms.”

Bristol will debut on Meet the Press on Sunday, July 11th.   She plans to wear a  wet tee-shirt with an arrow pointing upwards that says “These babies belong to Him.”  Her first guests will be Karl Rove who will discuss his nearly non-existent penis, especially after he has been in cold water.  She will also talk to Michael Steele about the rumor that he is one of the only Republicans who still wears a girdle. Ratings are already projected to be almost triple what they are now under Gregory.

Ask to comment on NBC’s obvious blatant and cheap exploitation of Bristol for ratings, her mom only said happily, “She’s a Palin alright.”