HP Introduces More Badges on the Cusp of its Outrageous Success !


Due to the overwhelming success of its new “badge” format that began a few weeks ago, Huffington Post has added even more badges to further deputize commenters it deems worthy of such authority.

The current “badge” format consists of the following:

Moderator Badge: Commenters who are better than other commenters and have authority to delete their comments

Superuser Badge:  Mid-level managers who have no authority but think they’re cool because they comment a lot

Networker Badges:  Meaningless token badges

Now Huffington Post is introducing the following new badges:

The “Gestapo” badge:  This badge that will be awarded to the rare commenter who is willing to rat out other commenters to Huffington Post which results in deletions, scrubbing, bannings and, ultimately, death.

Gestapo Badge

The “SS” badge:  For special commenters who believe in the supremacy of elite commenters and believe inferior commenters or those deemed undesirable or unworthy should be ethnically cleansed.

SS Badge

The “Major Roberto D’Aubuisson” badge, named after the late, great Salvadoran Army officer who founded the Nationalist Republican Alliance (ARENA), aka, Salvadoran right wing death squad, that he led from 1980 to 1985.  This badge is for those special commenters who want someone not just banned but killed.

Roberto D’Aubuisson Badge

“Dah-ling….ve are simply THRILLED at the success of our deputy badge program thus far,” gushed Huffington Post Chief Ariana Huffington.   “Out of thousands of commenters who have veen provided badges since ve began this program, ve have had not VONE complaint dah-ling….not vone.  In fact, it has, thus far, received a von hundred percent approval rating.”

Well, that’s not quite true, southpaw reminded Ms. Huffington.  There was the one guy who, during the first week of the badge program inception, bitched about the program calling it “elite”.

“Ahh, dah-ling…you must ve talking avout the username ‘Wedon’twantyourstinkingbadges.’   Hahahahahahaha…he was quite unhappy.  Simply an anomaly dah-ling.”

"I vant a commenter THIIIS big, dah-ling"

“Yea, but what happened to him,”  Southpaw asked Ms. Huffington, based on reports that Wedon’twantyourstinkingbadges failed to show for work after he bitched about the badge program and has not been seen by friends or family for more than 10 days.

“Why dah-ling….I’ve no idea vhat might have happened to this malcontent.  All I know is Huffington Post had nothing to do with the fact that Wedontwantyourstinkingbadges was found at the bottom of the San Clemente ravine.”

Wedontwantyourstinkingbadges shopping at Wal-Mart before disappearing altogether

“Hmmm,” said Southpaw….up to now no one, to include the police, knew of his whereabouts.”

“Hahahahahahahaha dah-ling, I’m so sorry….I misspoke.  I’ve no idea vhat happened to this poor,  unfortunate  young man.  But getting back to the topic at hand, ve are so looking forward to new Gestapo, SS, and Major Roberto D’Aubuisson badge recipients in our midst to help bring simply the vest product and customer service to our vonderful commenters every day.”


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24 responses to “HP Introduces More Badges on the Cusp of its Outrageous Success !

  1. I can’t post a link to this on the Huffington Post. I can’t mention that it exists. I can’t say that I can’t mention that it exists, on the Huffington Post. I can’t even say that there’s something I can’t mention on the Huffington Post, on the Huffington Post. I can’t ask why, and I can’t say that I can’t ask why, and I sure as hell can’t ask why I can’t ask why I can’t say that I can’t say that I can’t post a link to this on the Huffington Post. How ’bout that?

  2. Excellent reporting.

    I’m thinking the new badges were designed with the trolls in mind, but they decided to go bipartisan.

    There should be a malcontent badge too, I’d get a level 2 right out of the box.

  3. Howdy, bsomething. As joshy would say, check this out.

  4. bsomething: Check out HP’s young social editor, Josh Young; he’s the “brains” behind this.

  5. Why c.s., that’s shocking! Shocking, I say! Did you see the first article?

  6. b.s. (that sounds wrong, somehow),

    Nope, but I’ll look. And there’s a bunch of other stuff on our young Josh Young that would make your head explode.

  7. But oh so right in other hows. How’s about the scandalous, just scandalous things people are saying on the Huffington Post about the badge thingy? My head’s already ‘sploded.

  8. well! with these new badges the teabaggers will feel right at home!

  9. Claude Remains

    Found the perfect badge for the Huffers staff:

    Great site, Dawg.

    Snark done up right!

  10. b.s.,

    HP posted a story: “Walrus Oral Sex: Pleasures Self In Sex Act At Aquarium.” In comments to the Columbia Journalism Review, Josh Young (HP Social editor) worries about flippant responses to the story and its implications for “real news.” (Censor flippant comments, perhaps?)

    http://www.cjr.org/the_kicker/walrus_oral_sex_pleasures_self.php

  11. And, now, comments left on

    http://networkednews.wordpress.com/

    referring to Josh Young and his “work” have been deleted. Curiouser and curiouser, considering he just commented on bdaved’s HP post referencing it.

  12. I’m out for the night after this, but I had to post this. It’s a reply to Zoe on Huff Post:
    Somewhat rabid response from a fan of Josh Young to someone on Huff Post:

    “Below is a clip of Josh Young, social media editor for the Huffington Post. He clearly states that this community fosters stronger bonds and this is good for discourse. Those people that you insult usually have spent a lot of time staying on topic before engaging in some of the social aspect i.e. posting greetings or music. If you enter a post when this is happening they will have a discussion if you which to have one, but trying to dictate the flow of the place is very Gestapo of you. This is what creates tr0lls, which happens on HP too, someone else attempts to squash others opinions and a nut with a 10,000 socks is born, to what end?— To create chaos.

    Since you feel free to insult people …you say ( “the self-congratulatory system for senile shit-ins is just icing on the cake.) You won’t mind if I repay you in kind when I say that a recluse c u n t like you just won’t get it.

    Josh Young– vimeo.com/11138590

  13. thatsitfortheotherwon

    I still maintain that I would love the badges if we could assign all the trollz one that looks like a little puckered asshole.

    Sphincter Moderator Level 2, indeed!

  14. HP is ridiculous! After all the time thy spent pushing the Twitter and Facebook like it was crack, they are now bashing Facebook daily.

    every time I go to HP I end up having to clear cache and cookies and reset Safari

    • Kelly…HP has turned into high school them being the popular people, i.e., cheerleaders, homecoming queen, “Biff”, the QB, and all those who play pep rallies and social events that I was never invited to attend while I, and the rest of us goobers, who look down our noses at Twitter, FB, et al, are looked upon by the cool people (HP) with contempt :)

  15. I don’t go there, don’t care to but I think this post was very funny and really well written. Can I have my southpaw badge now?

  16. 1. This beagle’s face looks a lot like my Basset.
    2. Is Josh’s avatar a photo of himself while stoned?
    3. Lots of laughs in here!

  17. ParadisePlacebo74

    When I look at the stupid images they used for their badges, this is what I see:

    http://twistedhuffpostbadges.blogspot.com/

    I hope I’m not the only one.

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